I still love you, Girl From Mars
by LostAngelHope
Summary: Formerly known as Locked in Time. Jess knew her better than she knew herself.Rated T just to be on the safe side. RoryJess, with LorelaiLuke. Takes place after the series finale.
1. I Want To Break Free

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic. While its not necessarily an AU, its still my take on the GG, so characters and events from the original show will have just a little bit of my own spin. No regurgitation of the same old story.

**Note:** Why a Rory/Jess fic? I always felt that the character of Jess was one of the most well-written and entertaining characters on the show. It also helped that Milo Ventimiglia is so hot. Anyway, I loved how Jess always seemed to show up and mess up Rory's life at just the right time. I kinda always hoped they'd end up together, but…

Oh, and sorry if this first chapter is boring. I just felt like there should be some sort of introduction.

**Kudos** to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Queen

**Chapter 1—I Want To Break Free**

* * *

_I've fallen in love / I've fallen in love for the first time / And this time I know it's for real… I can't get over the way you love me like you do / But I have to be sure / When I walk out that door … Oh how I want to break free_

She should have known better. Was she seriously that naïve to think that he was out of her life forever? No. He was like a weed. She would cut him down, destroy him, remove all traces of his presence and then turn around to see he had taken root in her life once more.

Of course, he did have a strong hold in her life simply because his uncle was dating her mom. Rory had known deep down all her life that Luke loved her mother. A part of her had always resisted that truth, because as a child Rory had wanted the complete family portrait. She had wanted Christopher to be more like a father figure and less like a sperm donor. And she had wanted her mother to have her happily ever after.

As she had grown up, though, it had become obvious that Lorelai's fairy tail prince wore flannel and a baseball cap, and was eternally flipping burgers and refilling coffee mugs. It was not glamorous, but it was real. And the Gilmore Girls needed reality every once in a while. Luke was the only one that could make Rory's mother happy.

But with Luke came his crazy family. April, Rory could handle. Liz and T.J.—well, they were annoying but lovable at the same time. No, for Rory the problem was Jess.

Rory had never figured Jess out, but he knew her. He knew her desires, her fears, where she was ticklish, what made her cry, laugh, scream…Jess knew her better than she knew herself.

And, blasphemous though it may be, Jess knew Rory better than Lorelai.

And Jess would not go away.

Funny, to think that the boy who ran away to California, never said goodbye, and broke Rory's heart, always seemed to find his way back to her. First, he had come back to tell her he loved her. The next time he showed up, he wanted her to run away with him to New York. Rory could still see him standing there in her dorm room at Yale, begging her to say yes. Part of her did. Part of Rory wanted nothing more than to run to New York with Jess. She would have lived in a cardboard box in an alley for him. She had just wanted to be with him, wherever that might have been.

But Rory was not programmed that way. Her rational, methodical brain had quickly presented her the cold facts, and she had reasoned how the cons far outweighed the pros, at least in quantity. Rory chose Yale and said no.

But Jess continued to be in her life.

She still squirmed at the memory of Jess and Logan's meeting. She remembered the lecture Jess had given her, calling her out on Logan and dropping out of Yale. And she couldn't fight back because she knew that everything he said was the truth. But even though she knew Jess was right, she stayed with Logan. Oh, she changed a few things. She moved out of Emily's mansion and went back to Yale. But she continued to date Logan, despite his many transgressions.

When Logan's flaws became too much to bear, Rory had run not to the bitter streets of New York City, but to Philadelphia where a strange yet appealing Jess had greeted her with open arms.

He was finally ready, and had assumed she was too, but Rory had felt out of place the second she entered the publishing house and saw Jess. He was overwhelming confident, no longer James Dean but Cary Grant—grown up, mature, and experienced.

The boy was a man, but Rory was still a little girl playing pretend. She couldn't do that to Jess. She said she loved Logan, and even now she knew that had been true, but she had loved Jess more. She had loved him enough to stop him from hurting again.

Rory went once more back to Yale. She graduated, and in a moment of clarity broke up with Logan. She had landed her first "real" job following Obama on the campaign trail. She entered the real world and discovered its joys, pains, and sorrows. Rory Gilmore moved further away from Stars Hollow and her childhood.

But Jess always seemed to pull her back.


	2. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and The Postal Service

* * *

**Chapter 2—The District Sleeps Alone Tonight**

_The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights / And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening / And I am finally seeing / Why I was the one worth leaving_

"Paris, you have to come to D.C. at Christmas someday," Rory told her friend as she poured herself a cup of coffee in her hotel room. "I'm telling you, I never though this city could be so beautiful. It almost seems serene, which seems impossible for Washington."  
"Oh, God, Rory, don't get so sentimental. It's Washington. It's not supposed to be serene. It's supposed to be nail-biting, backstabbing, filibustering politics."

"Now, Paris, its bad little girls like you that get coal in their stockings," Rory teased. "Did I tell you it snowed?"

"Only about 30 times."

"I mean, it actually snowed! Of course it will probably all melt away by 3 this afternoon, but almost everything has shut down because of it."

"Yes, well, I hope that doesn't mean the President is out having snowball fights and making snow angels instead of running this country. I mean, honestly, if a little snow is enough to stop D.C how is America going to defend itself against terrorism? Huh?"

Rory drained the last mouthful of her coffee. Smacking her lips, she said, "Paris, honestly, just start campaigning now. I have no doubt you could be the first woman president."

"I agree."

"_Paris! We're going to be late!_"

"Was that Doyle?" Rory asked.

"Yes, we're supposed to go to his mother's house this evening for Christmas."  
"Well, that sounds like fun," Rory told her.

"Yeah," Paris sighed, "But mom still can't understand why I am marrying outside of my Jewish faith and heritage. I don't know what she's so upset about; she was never religious before Doyle proposed. I doubt she even knows how to keep kosher."  
"_Paris!_" Doyle yelled again in the background.

"Gotta go," Paris said, "Merry Christmas, Rory."

"Merry Christmas, Paris. Bye."

Rory pressed one on her speed dial and called Stars Hollow. She hadn't talked to her mother in almost 3 days and it would be wrong not to call her on Christmas Eve, especially since Rory could not be home for the holidays. Plus, she had to tell Lorelai about the snow.

"Feliz Navidad!" a slightly tipsy Lorelai answered the phone.

"Mom?"

"Rory? Rory! Babe, Merry Christmas!" her mother shrieked. "Hey everyone!" Lorelai cried, holding the handset in the air to the sizeable crowd that now gathered in her living room, "It's Rory!"

Everyone shouted Christmas greetings to Stars Hollow's favorite daughter in such a thunderous roar that it was unintelligible to Rory.

"They all say hi!" translated Lorelai.

"Mom, I think you might have had too much to drink."

"Maybe. If I have more I might end up getting lucky."

"Speaking of which, how is dear old Luke?"

"Luke, how are ya?" Lorelai shouted over her shoulder.

"Tell Rory I'm just fine," he answered, never once looking up from where he poured more and more drinks for their guests.

"He's the same loveable scruffy diner-man we all know and love," Lorelai told her daughter. Her voice dropped to what she assumed in her drunken state to be a hushed whisper and announced to the Rory and the rest of the group, "And the sex was so good last night!"

"Lorelai!" Luke shouted, both embarrassed and exceptionally proud.

"Oops."  
"God, Mom, please!" Rory said. "That man feeds me when I'm at home. I don't want to think about what else goes on in that diner."

"Well, so far I think the counter has been my favorite spot."

"Mom!"

"Although, the kitchen floor was good too. Don't tell Caesar, though. He'd probably worry about health regulations or something."

"This is so uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I guess it is pretty dirty," Lorelai agreed. "We have sex back here at home too."

"Stop it!"

"The bed, of course, in the shower, on the stairs—"

"That sounds comfortable."  
"—And on the couch and the kitchen table after Caesar threatens us with the Fire Marshall. Oh, and in your—"

"If you say my room, I'm calling the Fire Marshall _and_ Grandma!" Rory threatened.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie! I should probably go. Davie has gotten into the punch."

"Clean up on aisle 12!" Jackson cried in despair as he removed Davie from the pool of punch that now covered the kitchen floor.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Mom," Rory said. "Tell everyone hi for me, okay?"

"You got it, babe.

"Oh, and Mom?"

"Yeah."  
"It snowed here, and I miss you."

"I love you, Rory."

"Love you, too!"

Lorelai replaced the handset and turned back to survey the chaotic scene about her. Davie, drenched in punch, was being chased throughout the house by Sookie, while Jackson fought with Luke about how exactly one cleaned up a punch spill. Liz was oblivious, too busy stealing sips from Sookie's extra-strong eggnog.

"Lorelai."

She spun around and discovered Jess standing behind her.

"Oh, hey, what's up?"

"You were talking to Rory?" he asked, inclining his head towards the phone.

"Oh, yeah," she said as she led the way back into the living room where Patty and Babette were swapping Christmas drinking tales.

"How is she?"  
"She's good, Jess. Cookie?" Lorelai offered him his pick from the tray of Sukie's oh-so-wonderful sugar cookies.

"No, thanks," he said. "Did she—I mean—"

"Did she ask about you?"  
Jess looked at his shoes. "Yeah," he asked quietly.

Lorelai smiled sadly at him, "No, honey, she didn't."

Jess didn't say anything. He just walked away. As he opened the front door to leave, Lorelai called after him, "Don't take it personally, Jess. You're the one who doesn't want her to know you're here."

"Tell Luke I went to get more marshmallows for your s'mores," he told her, and left.


	3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Nirvana

* * *

**Chapter 3—Smells Like Teen Spirit**

_I'm worse at what I do best / And for this gift I feel blessed / Our little group has always been / And always will until the end… Here we are now / Entertain us_

Rory spent her Christmas Eve having a few drinks alone in the hotel bar. She hadn't realized just how homesick she was until she called Lorelai. It was her first Christmas away from home, and it sucked. She was working Christmas. Was this how her mother had raised her? No! Rory felt she had almost betrayed her own moral code. But it was done. She had business to attend to in D.C., and then she would head back to Boston to her empty and lonely apartment. Oh, God, how sad was she?

Rory paid and left the bar quickly before she started crying and began attracting unwanted attention. Back in the safety of her room, she squeezed out a tear or two, grabbed some tequila from the mini-bar, and flipped the channels on the TV until she found _It's A Wonderful Life_.

After spending a good 30 minutes feeling absolutely sorry for herself, Rory powered up her laptop and checked her email. There was a letter from Lane wishing her a Merry Christmas with the latest pictures of Kwan and Steve. There was an email from Lucy, and of course her mother had sent her a detailed account of the Christmas party. She, too, had included a picture, this one a group picture.

The homesickness was threatening to make a comeback as Rory stared at her computer screen. Everyone had been there. Besides her mom and Luke there was Sookie and Jackson, there kids making faces at the camera, Lane and Zach with their brood of course, Brian, Babette and Maury, Miss Patty, Michel, Liz and T.J., April, and—

Rory let out an audible gasp. Standing behind April with that small smile that made Rory's stomach turn to mush was Jess.

Jess had been there at her house? At a Christmas party with all of these crazy people and her mother, and he was smiling? Jess Mariano was in Stars Hollow and he looked happy to be there. Why hadn't her mother told her? Or Lane?

It was almost 1 AM. She'd call her mother in the morning rather than invoke the wrath of an awakened Luke.

* * *

"I guess you got my email," a more sober Lorelai said when Rory called her during breakfast.

"Yeah, I did," Rory snapped. "Care to explain?"

"Well," Lorelai stalled. Luke and April were eating their breakfast diligently but Lorelai could tell that they were straining to hear everything Rory said.

"Do you think I could call you later?" she asked her daughter sheepishly. "Like, after New Year's?"

"Is that when he leaves?"

"Well—"

"Don't tell me he's living in Stars Hollow!"

"He's not!" Lorelai stood up abruptly and exited the kitchen. April and Luke continued to eat.

"It's about time Rory found out," April announced.

Luke grunted in agreement.

"So, when are we going to open the presents?" April asked.

"We'll have to wait for Lorelai," Luke said.

April reached for the coffee mug but Luke slapped her hands away.

"Not a chance, kid," he told her.

"Sometimes I really hate it when you act like a dad."

"Well, someday you can tell Oprah all about how I wouldn't let you stunt your growth with coffee."

* * *

Upstairs in her bedroom, Lorelai tried to calm a suddenly frantic Rory down.

"Rory! RORY!" She screamed into the phone, jumping up and down for emphasis.

"What?"

"Would you please just chill!" her mother said. "Sheesh."

Rory sighed and threw herself down onto her hotel bed. "I'm calm," she said after a few moments of silence.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay and will you promise not to interrupt Mommy and get too excited?"

"Yes."

"Good girl," Lorelai sat down on her bed as well. "Well, I guess I should start at the beginning."

"That's usually the best place."

"Okay, well, I don't remember when, but sometime after you graduated Yale, Luke went back to Philly to see Jess. He wanted me to go but I stayed here because I just felt—funny, you know?"

Rory mumbled something in reply.

"Whatever. Anyway, after that Luke and Jess began talking on the phone at least once every week. And that summer April came to stay with Luke for about a month, and I guess Luke told Jess because he showed up that same week April arrived. It was kinda cool, you know? I mean, Luke was here with his daughter, and Jess was here and his mom and T.J. live just down the road. I think Luke really liked the idea of having his family together."

"Well, Luke is just a big ol' softie."

"That he is. He's a regular teddy bear when he lets his guard down."

"So Jess just shows up and that's it?" Rory asked, still indignant. "Everyone loves him and no one tells me?"

"No. Taylor and Kirk pretty much trailed him the entire week he was here," Lorelai admitted. "But he did manage to win over Miss Patty and Babette, finally."

"Dirty."

"That's what I said!" Lorelai laughed. "Anyway, Jess couldn't change everyone's opinion of him in one week, but he did manage to show that he was perhaps a bit more mature. Plus, Patty let it slip that he had published a book. And he's been coming here off and on for a day or two ever since."

"So now everything's all hunky-dory there and he's Stars Hollow's favorite?"

"Babe, what? Are you jealous?" Lorelai asked. It shocked her to hear so much bitterness in Rory's voice.

"Maybe I am. I mean, has anyone forgotten what a jerk Jess is? He treated me like crap when we dated! Does no one remember that?"

"Of course we do, Rory," her mother tried to console her. "But that was a long time ago, hon, and it's not like you still have feelings for him or anything."

Rory didn't answer.

"Rory? Oh my god, do you?"

"No," Rory answered. "I don't have feelings for Jess. I just can't understand why everyone has accepted him."

"What are you talking about?"

"He's there, at my house, with my mother, and my friends. And I wasn't there."

"Rory, honey," Lorelai asked "Do you think we're replacing him with you?"

"I—I don't know. Maybe."

"Rory, no one could ever replace you. Especially Jess," Lorelai assured her. "Jess has simply become more and more a part of our lives. I'm with Luke, and Luke is Jess' uncle. That means that Jess is a part of my life, whether I want him to be or not."

"Do you want him to be?"

"I didn't at first," Lorelai told her daughter truthfully. "Like you, I can hold a grudge. But the kid has grown on me. Besides, I would have thought you'd want me to be."

"Me?" Rory asked. "Why?"

"Rory, I know you went to Philly to see him."

Rory's stomach churned. "That was 3 years ago."

Lorelai chose her words carefully as she said, "Luke said that you and Jess looked pretty friendly that night at Truncheon. And Jess seemed to be pretty pleased to hear you turn down Logan."

Rory played with the TV remote. "It was a mistake. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"Does he ever say anything about me?"

"Who, Jess?"

"No, Kirk. Of course Jess."

"Occasionally," her mother said. "Mostly how you are and what have you been up to and where you are in the world. That's all."

"Good, that's good," Rory said. She felt extremely embarrassed with this conversation.

"Mom, I'm sorry for freaking out on you."

"Aw, babe, it's okay. Actually it made me a little nostalgic. You sounded like a teenager again."

"Gee, thanks."

"What are you doing today?" Lorelai asked, glad to change the subject. Rory breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Just probably staying in and watching Christmas specials. Tomorrow I have to interview the Massachusetts's congressman, and then I'll be heading back to Boston."

"Planning a stop in Stars Hollow?"

"When does Jess leave?"

"Rory—"

"I'm kidding, Mom," Rory laughed nervously. "I just don't think I can at the moment."

"What about New Year's eve? You can't deny me every holiday?"

"I'll see what I can do. Now go open your presents!"

"Will do, daughter. Although I already opened the one from you."

"I should have known. When?"

"Two days ago when it arrived," Lorelai admitted.

"Do you like them?" Rory asked.

"Yep, I'm wearing them now," Lorelai said as she peered into the mirror to fawn over her beautiful new earrings.

"Paris bought them for me when she came back from India with Doyle."

"They're beautiful. How is Paris?"

"Engaged."

"Really?"

"Yep, Doyle proposed on the back of an elephant," Rory informed her mother.

"Aw, how weirdly sweet," Lorelai crowed.

"Yeah, they're a good fit for each other."

From downstairs April began to holler Lorelai's name.

"Honey, I've got to go or April is going to open all of the presents without me," she said.

"Okay, wish everyone a merry Christmas for me, okay?"

"Everyone?"

"Yeah," Rory said. "Everyone."

* * *

Lorelai bounded down the stairs where April sat surrounded by boxes of Christmas presents.

"Finally!" April cried. "I thought you'd never get off the phone! May I please open my presents now?"

"Go ahead," Luke told her. As Lorelai sat beside him on the couch, he put his arm around her and asked, "Everything okay?"  
"Yeah," she told him. "I think so."

"Good," he smiled and kissed her.

"Dad, please, do you two have to do that in front of me?" asked a disgusted April.

"Yes, I do," her father said, and kissed Lorelai again.

* * *

Back in Washington, Rory found _It's a Wonderful Life_ on TV again. On the screen, a young Mary whispered into the ear of an equally young George and said, "George Bailey, I'll love you 'til the day I die."

Rory wondered if there was any more tequila in the mini-bar.


	4. Losing My Religion

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Note: **I can't remember: does April call Luke "Dad" or just "Luke?" Whatever, she's calling him "Dad" in this fic.

Thanks for the Reviews. Don't ask me why I chose this story to take place during the winter. It just seemed like Christmas would be a good event to bring a crazy family together.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and R.E.M.

* * *

**Chapter 4—Losing My Religion**

_Every whisper / Of every waking hour I'm / Choosing my confessions / Trying to keep an eye on you / Like a hurt lost and blinded fool / Oh no I've said too much / I set it up...What if all these fantasies / Come flailing around / Now I've said too much_

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Luke asked April for the 20th time that morning. They were standing outside of Lorelai's house and Luke and Jess were cleaning snow off Lorelai's jeep.

"Dad, seriously? Christmas lunch with Emily and Richard Gilmore?" April asked her dad in a sarcastic voice. "What do you think?"

"I think having you there would at least give me someone to talk to," he told her.

"Why don't you invite me?" asked Jess with a wicked grin.

"Oh, sure, I can just see it now. 'Hi, Richard and Emily, merry Christmas. You remember my nephew Jess, right? The one that totaled your grand-daughter's car and put her in the hospital?' Yeah, that would go over real well."

"It would be a nice trip down memory lane," Jess told him.

"Please," Luke said, "The Gilmores hate me already. If I brought you they'd probably put cyanide in our drinks."

"Really? I see them more as the _Arsenic and Old Lace_ type."

"Now, now, Dad, you'll have fun," April cut in patronizingly. "Surely the Gilmores treat you nicer than before. I mean, you and Lorelai obviously love each other. They'll love you eventually."

"I wouldn't count on it," Lorelai teased as she came out of the house.

"Thank you for the encouragement," Luke said to her. "Will you at least help me out if I start doing something stupid?"

"Can we have codenames?"

"What? No," Luke said.

"Aw, come on, Luke, codenames will be fun! We could even make them Christmas codenames, to keep in the holiday spirit."

"I don't want a Christmas codename and I don't want to have fun at your parents' house. I just want to survive with some of my pride intact."

"You can be Rudolph and I'll be Vixen!" Lorelai said, ignoring him.

"You will not call me Rudolph!"

"Would you prefer Prancer?" she asked just a little too innocently.

"Rudolph is fine."

"Some things never change," Jess remarked with a smirk.

"Shut up," Luke said to him. "We'll be home soon, hopefully."

"We'll be here," Jess told him.

"Dad, just one thing," April said.

"What's that?"

"I'm 16."

"_Almost_ 16. So?"

"So," April rolled her eyes. "I don't need a babysitter."

"Wait, I'm babysitting?" Jess asked in mock astonishment. "If that's the case, I charge 10 bucks an hour."

"Dad?" April asked, ignoring her cousin.

"Look, I know you don't need a babysitter," Luke said. "But you're here, and Jess is here, so you two should hang out. Get to know each other better, you know?"

"And, April, just between you and me," Lorelai butted in, "Jess always needs looking after."

"Thanks, Lorelai," Jess said.

"So make sure he stays away from electric sockets, sharp corners, and playing in the street," Lorelai teased.

"Why are you even here?" April asked Jess. "Why don't you go to your mom's?"

"Have you met my mother?"

"Look, be good," Luke said, awkwardly patting April on the arm, "Don't get into any trouble and no boys."

"Oh, that's not a problem in this town," April sighed.

"Teenagers," Jess said, "I almost envy your date with Emily, Uncle Luke."

"Be nice," Luke said.

"April, if Jess gives you too much trouble, just give him a cookie and sit him in front of the TV. And he'll need a nap around 2!" Lorelai said as she climbed into the driver's seat.

"Will do. "

Lorelai and Luke drove off for their impending torture and left the two cousins standing in the snow.

"So," Jess said.

"So," April replied.

They stood there, unsure of what to say to each other. Jess always felt a little weird around Luke's daughter. She reminded him a lot of Rory, but more into Sir Isaac Newton and Darwin than Shakespeare and Ayn Rand.

"You want to go inside and watch a movie?" he asked.

"Sure. How about _A Christmas Story_?" April asked as she led the way back inside.

"_A Christmas Story_ on Christmas Day? That's so overdone," Jess said.

"It's tradition," April explained as if he were two years old. "Geez, you can be cranky. Do you need that nap?"

"I'm good. _A Christmas Story_ it is."

"Good," April smiled. "I'll pop some popcorn. Do you want any hot chocolate?"

"Sure," he called as he sorted through Lorelai's DVD collection.

April entered the living room a few minutes later with two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Where's the popcorn," Jess asked as he pressed play on the remote.

"Oh, I burnt it," April said. "Apparently I can handle lab experiments in chemistry class, but when it comes to microwavable popcorn I'm a disaster."

"Nice," he said. "Want me to do it?"

"No, that's okay. After whiff of burned butter and corn, I decided to stick with my hot chocolate."

Jess and April settled in for the movie, April stretching out on the couch with Jess on the floor.

"Is this weird for you?" she asked him.

"What?"

"Being here. In Rory's house. I mean, her bedroom is like 2 feet from you."

"No," Jess said. "That was years ago."

"So you honestly don't feel any weirdness whatsoever."

Jess quickly sipped his drink, grimacing as the liquid burned his tongue. "Okay, it is a little weird," he confessed.

"Did you love her?" April asked.

"I don't think that's any of your business, missy. Now pay attention to Ralphie."

"Oh, come on, Jess," April begged. "If it really was so long ago, it's not that big of a deal, right? Water under the bridge and everything?"

"Fine," Jess said. "I loved her, okay? Now, can we please watch the movie?"

April lay down on the couch and wrapped her arms around one of the throw pillows as Jess turned his attention back to the TV screen. They were quiet for a few minutes as the familiar story played out before them, until April began to sing,

"Jess and Rory, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G—"

"Hey, shut up."

April laughed. "Wow, for someone who acts like it's no big deal, you sure do get uptight when people tease you about Rory."

"April, if you don't stop talking, I'm going to take you to your Aunt Liz and Uncle T.J."

April shuddered at the thought. "You wouldn't."

"Just try me," Jess told her.

"Fine, fine, I'll watch the movie. Happy now?"

"Very."


	5. Emily

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Note: **Luke and Lorelai forever!

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Nine Days

* * *

**Chapter 5—Emily **

_but in my hands I hold / everything that she wants / everything that should be / as far as her / big blue eyes could see / if she would believe / I'm down on my knees / but in my hands I hold…in my hands I hold / the ring_

"Luke, what do you say we go into my office and have a scotch?" Richard Gilmore asked. "That way the girls can talk and we won't annoy them."

Luke would have preferred to stay glued to Lorelai's side for the rest of the evening, but he agreed and followed the old man from the living room and into his impressive office.

Richard poured the drinks and the two men toasted. Luke's scotch burned as he hurriedly gulped it down. Richard didn't seem to notice how uncomfortable the young man was and rambled on about insurance and stocks and God knows what else because Luke could not understand anything he was saying.

When Richard finally stopped to take a breath, Luke saw his chance and said, "Sir, I need to discuss something of importance with you."

"I'm all ears, Luke," he said, sitting down in one of the armchairs. He motioned for Luke to do the same, and when the two were comfortably seated, Richard ask, "What is it?"

Luke took a deep breath and said, "Mr. Gilmore, I would like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage."

"I see," was all Richard said before taking a sip of his scotch.

After a few seconds of silence, Luke asked, "What do you think?"

"I have two questions before I give you my answer."

"Okay."

"First, what will you do if Lorelai says no?"

"I will accept her answer," Luke told him, "and hopefully she will agree to at least still stay with me. I'm not going to break up with her unless that is what she wants."

"I see," Richard repeated, "And if she says yes, but months down the road she calls the wedding off—what then?"

"Again, sir, I will only break up with her if she wants that," Luke said. "I love your daughter very much, and while I would love to be married to her, I would rather be her boyfriend for the rest of my life than to be without her."

Richard Gilmore did not say anything for a long time, and Luke feared the worse. Finally, Richard swallowed the last of his scotch and said, "I admire your commitment to my daughter. I think you really do love her, and for that, I give you my consent."

"Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Gilmore," Luke said. He rose and shook the man's hand, repeating his thanks.

Richard held up a hand and said, "Your welcome, Luke, but I think there's still one more thing you need to do before you propose to my daughter."

Luke's heart sank and he prayed that it would have nothing to do with golfing or opening a chain of Luke's Diners. "What would that be, sir?" he asked.

"I think you should ask my wife for her permission as well."

Luke's heart sank further.

* * *

"Oh, good," said Emily Gilmore as Luke and Richard returned to the living room, "I was just going to call you. Dinner is ready."

"Ah, splendid," Richard said.

"Um, you guys go on ahead without me," Lorelai told them. "I've got to go use the bathroom."

Richard waited until his daughter was out of the room before saying, "Emily, my dear, I have something to tell you."

"Well, come on into the dining room and you can tell me as we eat," she said.

"No, we need to talk about this now before Lorelai gets back."

"Why?" Emily said, suddenly suspicious. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Richard said. "Luke here has just asked for my permission to marry our daughter."

"And I would also like to ask for your permission, too, Emily," Luke said. He was sweating now.

Emily gave her husband a Look, and then said, "I hope, for your sake, Luke, that she says yes. I don't understand women these days who can't settle down."

"Is that a yes?" Luke asked.

"Yes," Emily clarified. "Now, let's go sit down."

Richard and Emily entered the dining room and Luke followed, completely stunned at how wonderful everything was going.

Now, he only needed to ask Lorelai.


	6. Hands Open

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Note: **Sorry this is so short!

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Snow Patrol

* * *

**Chapter 6—Hands Open**

…_my / Hands open, and my eyes open / I just keep hoping / That your heart opens / It's not as easy as willing it all to be right / Gotta be more than hoping it's right / I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it  
_

"Well, this has been nice," Luke said. His nephew gave him an awkward smile and nodded.

"Yeah," Jess agreed. "It has. Oh, and I've been meaning to ask, what are you doing to get Lorelai play nice with me? Honestly, I'd like to know. I could use a trick like that in the future."

"Oh, come on Jess, Lorelai likes you."

"Really?"

"I'm serious, Jess," Luke told him, "She really has warmed up to you. Now, as long as you don't go breaking her daughter's heart you might actually get to call Lorelai your friend."

"I won't be breaking Rory's heart anytime soon, trust me."

"Oh, really?" Luke said. "You, my friend, are still carrying a torch for her."

"I am not," Jess said. "Rory and I are over and done with. I haven't seen or heard from her in 3 years, and the last time I did we were both very clear about where we stood with each other."

Luke crossed his arms and stared at Jess right in the eye. "Oh, really?"

Jess looked away. "Yes, really."

"So you have absolutely no feelings for Rory?"

"To paraphrase the great Greg Behrendt, I'm just not that into her."

"Mmhmm," Luke looked back at the house and seeing no one around he leaned forward and asked, "So if Rory was coming back to visit soon you wouldn't care?"

Jess hesitated before saying, "Nah, I could care less."

"You wouldn't come running back to tell her that you loved her?"

"You need to stop watching daytime soaps, Uncle Luke."

"So, you're saying that if Rory Gilmore showed up here for New Year's—although we're still not positive she will. Lorelai's working on it--"

"Luke, just stop, okay?" Jess said. "I gotta go, alright?"

"Take care, Jess," Luke told him. The two hugged briefly, and when they parted Jess motioned to the house and said, "Watch that April. She could become a heartbreaker."

"Must run in the family," was Luke's snide remark. "Drive safe."

Jess got in the car and rolled down the window. "I'll talk to you soon, okay Luke?"

"Call whenever," Luke told him.

He watched Jess drive off back to Philly before returning to the house.


	7. Tiny Vessels

To all of my lovely reviewers, many thanks!

I think one of you asked why I chose to set this story 3 years after the finale. Well, I wanted there to be enough time for both Jess and Rory to have developed their own lives. I figured 1 year was too short, and 5 years too long, so 3 was a happy medium. Plus, I wanted certain events to happen in the characters' lives, particularly Rory. Because, yes, Rory has a secret.

On a sadder note, I'm leaving for vacation and I most likely won't be able to post anything for a month! I know, I know, it's very sad. But the good news is that I have all of the chapters outlined, and only 3 more to actually write and edit. I've also changed a part of Rory's side of the story, which I hope you won't hate. Don't worry, I haven't tampered with anything from the show's original story! Hopefully I'll be able to work on this while I'm gone, and be able to upload all of the other chapters!

But until then, here's one more chappie for you!

**Note: **I toyed with the rather "romantic" idea of Jess waiting for Rory to realize she was in love with him and swearing off all other girls, but then I realized how ridiculously unrealistic that was and this chapter resulted from that epiphany. Don't worry, there will be no dramatic love-triangle in this story. Its still very much Jess/Rory. **  
**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Death Cab for Cutie

* * *

**Chapter 7—Tiny Vessels**

_I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking/ As we moved together in the dark …when you ask "Is something wrong?" / I think "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. / No, we can't talk about it now." … And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more / But it was vile, and it was cheap / and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me…_

"I'm home," Jess called as he shut the door to the apartment. He threw his bag on the floor and began to take of his coat. "Grace?" he called. No one answered.

Jess carefully hung his coat up and then reached again for his bag, swinging it over his shoulder as he made his way down the hall to the bedroom.

It was empty. He began to unpack when he heard the door open and voices in the hall.

"Do you want to come in?" Grace asked.

The man with her leaned down and kissed her. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, oblivious to the fact that Jess was watching them.

Jess just stood there, shocked.

The two pulled apart and Grace turned to lead the man down the hall—to the bedroom, Jess assumed—when she finally saw him.

"Jess," she said, instantly dropping the other dude's hand. "I thought you were getting home tomorrow."

"Matt called, said he needed me to come into work earlier if I could," Jess replied.

"Oh," was all she could say to him. Jess turned and headed back into the bedroom where he quickly repacked his bag before heading for the closet and shoving as many of his clothes into the suitcase as he could.

Grace appeared in the doorway. "Jess, let me explain," she began.

"You don't need to explain anything, Grace," he told her as he reached for another bag under the bed. Into this, he began to toss his books and other odds and ends.

"Yes, I do," she said. "Jess, please, stop just for a minute."

He did and looked at her not with anger or even disgust, which surprised her. It was just a look of complete resignation and acceptance.

"Jess, I'm sorry if I've hurt you," she said.

"Oh, that's good," he said.

"Don't start," Grace snapped. "You must have known this was going to happen sooner or later. I mean, come on Jess. You and me? You knew this wasn't going to work."

Jess went back to packing.

"I'm not what you want, Jess. Do you even remember the night we met? You were drunk, _you _came on to _me_, and we had sex."

Jess turned his back on her so that she couldn't see his face. He needed shoes. Where the hell were his shoes?

"It could have been so simple. We could have just left it as it was supposed to be, a one-night stand. But you couldn't live with that. Why, Jess? Why did the fact that we had drunken sex mean that we had to have a relationship?"

"You didn't have to move in here," he told her.

"I know Jess, I know. But you just seemed so gung ho about a relationship that I thought you meant it."

"I did mean it," he said, finally turning around to face her. "I love you, Grace."

She shook her head sadly. "No, you don't," Grace said. "You want to love me. You wanted us to be something…something bigger than we were meant to be. Jess, we were just pretending."

Jess nodded and grabbed his suitcases and bags.

"You had to know that it didn't really mean anything," Grace told him as he passed by her to leave.

"You're right," he said. "I didn't mean anything to you, why should you have meant something to me?"

She looked down, and he sighed deeply before telling her, "I'll go to Matt's tonight and I'll be back for my shoes and whatever else later." He paused before adding, "You can leave your key with Andy next door."

Grace nodded. "Thanks," she said.

Jess walked back to the front door where Grace's date still stood. When he saw Jess, he began to speak but Jess cut him off.

"She's all yours," he told him. "Have fun."

Jess headed back down the stairs and out to the parking lot where his car waited. He threw his bags into the backseat and called Matthew.

"Matt," Jess said when his friend answered, "I need a place to stay for the night."


	8. Let's Pretend

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and No Fi Soul Rebellion

**Note:** I'm baaaack! Thanks for all the reviews. Hope you enjoy the next chappies! Since you had to go so long without anything new, I'm going to upload a ton at once. Enjoy, friends.

* * *

**Chapter 8—Let's Pretend **

_Let's pretend we never met / Forget just what to expect / Clean the slate, and reset / I'm pleased to meet you/ I'm jam-packed, I'm full of wit / No wait, I mean the opposite / Whatever you want to fit / I want you!_

As the taxicab drove through the square, Rory Gilmore sat on the edge of her seat and peered eagerly out the window as the familiar sights of Stars Hollow greeted her. It had been too long. Writing for the Boston Globe had not been her dream job, but she had jumped at the chance for the experience. She had moved to Boston and had loved every minute of being a member of a real newspaper. But Boston took her away from Stars Hollow, and as she entered the real world, she began to find herself staying farther and farther away from home.

She had not realized just what she was missing until she saw the "Welcome to Stars Hollow" sign. Suddenly Rory felt like a child again, coming home from school to the safety of the arms of her mother. It was good to be home.

She paid the driver when she got to the house, and stood by the mailbox as he drove away. Panic swept over her: suppose Lorelai wasn't here. She hadn't told her mother, or anybody, that she really was coming home for New Year's. Rory had returned to Boston from her trip to Washington D.C. and had decided to she needed a break. She needed to come home.

But Rory had not told anyone because she was afraid that Jess would find out. She had grilled Lane about Jess being there for Christmas, and she had managed to find out that yes, Jess had left the day after Christmas to go back to New York, and no, as far as Lane knew he was not going to be in town any time soon.

It wasn't that she was afraid to see him, Rory told herself, she just felt awkward to be around him, especially considering the last time she saw him:

_"You're still with him."_

_Rory could hear the defeat in Jess' voice. Her eyes flickered as she looked away and said, "Yeah."_

_"I thought everything was fixed," he said._

_Rory shrugged sadly. "Everything but him."_

_Jess didn't even try to hide his anger as he snapped, "I hate this!"_

_"You should," Rory agreed. "I'm sorry."_

_"You came here alone," Jess reminded her. "To Philadelphia."_

_The words were out of her mouth before she realized just how lame they sounded: "He was out of town."_

_"I don't deserve this, Rory."_

_"No, you don't!" she said, frustrated at her own stupidity. "You don't deserve it! I just--" she hesitated, knowing that her next words would seal Jess and Logan's places in her life forever. "I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him."_

_He sighed, "Love, huh?" And Rory remembered all the times Jess had told her that he loved her. It broke her heart to realize that he still did._

_"Yeah," she sighed._

_He tried to shrug it off, what she had done to him, and made some snide reply: "I guess I'll call Matthew's poet and have him explain love to me. Poets know all about it, right?"_

_"Supposed too," was all she could say._

That had been years ago, yet Rory still was uncomfortable at the thought of seeing Jess again. Now, as she stood by the road, she wondered what would happen were she to see him again.

Rory gathered up her courage and walked to the door. She still had her key, but she felt a little awkward barging in, especially after the conversation she had had with her mother the night of the party. As much as she loved the fact that her mother and Luke were dating, she had no desire to catch them "doing it." Rory unlocked the door but made sure to knock extra hard and call out, "Hello? Anyone home?" before entering.

"Who—Rory?" Her mother appeared and wrapped her arms tightly around her only daughter. "Oh, Rory, you're here. You're real. Oh, why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"

"Can't—" Rory gasped "—breathe!"

Lorelai pulled away from her daughter and smiled. "I just can't believe you're home. How long are you staying?"

"I have off until Monday," Rory said as she and her mother hugged again. "I didn't know for sure if they were going to let me, and then I got a cab and came on down."

"You took a cab?" asked Lorelai. "What about your car?"

"Oh, it's in the shop," Rory said casually. "So did I surprise you?"

"Yes, you certainly did!" Lorelai told her as Luke entered the foyer.

"Luke!" Rory cried as she ran for him. He hugged her tighter than she expected, and Rory was surprised to see even grumpy Luke tear up.

"Oh, Luke, you really are nothing but a big teddy bear!" she told him as she kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm sorry?" he asked.

"Where's April?" Rory ignored his question.

"Oh, she's at Liz's house babysitting Doula," Luke told her.

"Oh," Rory said, hesitating slightly. Lorelai and Luke both saw this and shared a Look that was not lost on Rory who promptly changed the subject.

"So, where do I sleep?" she said, gesturing to her suitcase.

"Where do you sleep?" asked her mother in a scandalized tone. "In your room, thank you very much."

"I thought April was sleeping there."

"She is, but it's your room," Luke said as he grabbed Rory's bag and took it to her room. "I'll get the cot from the diner and set it up in here."

"Yeah, I'm sure she'd love to have you as a roommate," Lorelai said. She reached for Rory again and hugged her tight once more.

"Mom, what are you doing?" came Rory's voice, muffled against her mother's neck.

"I'm just so happy you're home," Lorelai told her.

The phone rang, and Lorelai reached for it. "Gilmore residence," she sang into the phone. Her face dropped, and glancing at Rory she stuttered, "Um, hold on just a second, he's putting Rory's things away—yeah, she's here—oh, okay—Luke! Phone!"

Luke took the handset from her and said, "Hello?" His face also changed drastically as he listened to the voice on the other end. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I had no idea—Well, I'll have to discuss it with Lorelai. No, I don't think she'd—The diner? Sure, sure. When will you—tonight? Okay, yeah okay. See you soon. Bye."

Luke hung up the phone and exchanged yet another Look with Lorelai.

"Who was that?" Rory asked slowly. "Is something wrong? Is it April?"

"No," Luke said. "No, it's not April."

"Babe," Lorelai began. "I think Jess is coming back to Stars Hollow."

"What? Why?"

Lorelai looked to Luke, who seemed embarrassed. "Um, apparently, his living situation fell through suddenly, and he's taking some time off from work—I didn't really get it all."

"What? He couldn't pay his rent?" Rory spat.

"Rory," warned her mother. "Jess has changed, and you know it."

"Whatever," Rory shrugged. "I'm going to go see Lane."

"Yeah, sure," her mom answered.

Lorelai waited until she had left before asking, "Luke, what's going on?"

"Well, apparently, Jess was living with this girl. Grace, somebody. Anyway, when he got home the other day he caught her with another guy."

"Oh, poor Jess," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, well, he said something about how he had been staying with that Matthew-guy he works with, and then something about taking some time off. I don't know what he was saying. He seemed distracted."

"I bet," Lorelai said. "So, he's coming here?"

"Yeah, he asked if he could stay at the diner. How could I say no?"

"You couldn't."

"What about Rory?"

Lorelai reached for his hand and squeezed it. "I think it will be okay."


	9. Set the Fire to the Third Bar

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Snow Patrol.

* * *

**Chapter 9—Set the Fire to the Third Bar**

_Your words in my memory / Are like music to me…After I have traveled so far / We'd set the fire to the third bar / We'd share each other like an island / Until exhausted, close our eyelids / And dreaming, pick up from / The last place we left off_

"Rory? Oh my god, what are you doing here?" Lane asked when she answered the door. "Come in, come in."

"Thanks," said Rory.

In the living room sat Zach with one of the twins in his lap asleep, the other conked out on the floor. He nodded at Rory and whispered, "Hey."

"Hey," she whispered back. Rory turned to Lane and said, "Did I come at a bad time?"

"What? No," Lane assured her. "We can go into the bedroom to talk."

"Okay," Rory said and followed her out of the living room.

"Sorry it's such a mess," said Lane waving a hand at the toys, guitars, and piles of laundry that occupied the floor. "At least the bed's made. We can sit there." She plopped cross-legged onto the bed and said, "Now, spill. Why are you here and why do you look like you just found out Santa Clause isn't real?"

"Oh, Lane, I don't know what to do!" Rory said, throwing herself on the bed beside her best friend.

"Is it work?"

Rory paused. "No, work's fine. I actually got promoted recently."

"Well that's cool," Lane said. "Is it guy drama?"

"Yeah, but that's what makes it worse," Rory told her. "He's not supposed to be my drama anymore."

"You're talking about Jess, aren't you?"

"Yes," said Rory. She pulled herself up into a sitting position and announced, "He's coming here. To Stars Hollow. Tonight."

"Okay, I'm a little confused as to why that's bad?" Lane confessed.

"Lane, its Jess!"

"Yeah, but—"

"Look, I know you're used to having him around since he's been coming back here to visit Luke and his mom so much, but I'm not. I'm not used to the idea of Jess being here," Rory ranted. "And the few times I have seen Jess since he officially left Stars Hollow have been the most confusing times in my life. Telling me he loves me and then just leaving. He can't ever come back and just have a normal conversation with me. He's always just…Jess!"

"Okay, Rory, you need to calm down," Lane told her.

"I know, I know," she said.

"Rory," Lane began, "Do you think that maybe you still love him?"

"I don't know," Rory admitted. She lay back down and asked, "Lane, how can I not know? It's been 3 years since I've seen him, and 7 years since we were in a relationship together! Shouldn't I be over him?"

"Well, I'm not an expert on love," Lane said, "But I would think that if you can't decide whether or not you're over Jess then you must be still in love with him. I mean, if you weren't in love with him, you would know it. But if you are in love with him, maybe you just don't want to admit it, or maybe your only a very little bit in love with him and that's why you are confused. Does that make sense?"

"A little," Rory sighed. "I don't understand. If I am in love with him, why? It's not like we have any sort of relationship."

"Maybe he was your first real love?" Lane hypothesized.

"What about Dean? I mean, I lost my virginity to Dean."

"After you broke up with Jess," Lane reminded her. "And hadn't you and Jess talked about having sex together?"

"Well, we never had an official discussion about it—"

"But it was sort of implied that you would at some point? Like prom?"

"Yeah," Rory admitted. "We almost did it at that party senior year. You know, the one where you got drunk?"

"Oh, don't remind me of that night," Lane laughed. "Okay, so here's my theory. You and Jess were going to have sex, but then you broke up. But you only slept with Dean after Jess came back and asked you to run away with him. Maybe you slept with Dean because you still loved Jess!"

"Lane, that doesn't make any sense," Rory said.

"Yes, yes it does!" Lane said. "You wouldn't allow yourself to have Jess because you couldn't rely on him, but you felt that you could rely on Dean. Dean was safe and stable, albeit married."

_She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was so irrational, so out of the blue, and Rory couldn't make sense of it._

"_No!" she said, because it was the only word that she could articulate as Jess pleaded with her. _

_He took a step forward towards her and she jerked back away from him as he said, "I want to be with you, but not here. Not this place," he gestured with his hand as he added with conviction, "not Stars Hollow. We have to start new."_

"_There's nothing to start!" she tried to tell him. He was crazy, and she wanted him gone. How dare he try and mess up her life again?_

"_You're packed!" Jess cried. "Your stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect. You're ready, and I'm ready." His voice cracked as he reiterated, "I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can!"_

_He needed to go so that she could think. All she could hear was his voice and all she could sense was him, there in front of her, begging for another chance. She wanted to say yes so badly but she heard herself gasping, "No!" as if it were the only word of English she knew. _

"So you're saying I slept with Dean basically because I was sexually frustrated over Jess?"

"Yes!" Lane said. "Or you were just—sexually frustrated."

Rory looked at her friend and said, "Your mind scares me sometimes."

"Don't you get it, Rory?" Lane asked her. "You and Jess are like—like, Johnny Cash and June Carter!"

"Without the drugs, I hope, and the country music."

"Hey, you never know," Lane teased, "You yourself said it's been 3 years since you've seen him. He might like country!"

"Yeah, I highly doubt that," Rory laughed.

"So what do you think of my theory?"

"I think you have way too much time on your hands to have thought of that so carefully and in depth."

"Rory," Lane explained, "I am a mother. I read Dr. Seuss books and watch cartoons all day. And that's just when Zach's home from work. I have to live vicariously through you!"

"Well, I'm glad I could be of service to you," Rory said.

From the living room came a crash, followed by two sets of young voices screaming and Zach yelling, "Lane! They're awake!"

"Excuse me," Lane said getting off the bed. "Mommy duty calls."

"I'll help," Rory said and followed her.


	10. New American Classic

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Taking Back Sunday

* * *

**Chapter 10—New American Classic**

_See the months they don't matter / its the days I can't take / when the hours move to minutes / and I'm seconds away…chasing our dreams is just a distraction / I want to remember what I know...that I can't go back_

Two trips to Stars Hollow in under a week. That had to be his new record, Jess thought as he drove up to Luke's Diner and parked. The sign on the door said "Closed" but Jess tried the handle and found it was unlocked. He entered the diner, carefully closed the door behind him, and shuffled up the stairs to the apartment.

Luke turned around as Jess came in.

"Hey," said Jess.

"Hey," said Luke.

They stood there awkwardly until Jess put down his bag and said, "Thanks for letting me stay here."

"Sure, no problem," said Luke. "Um, how long do you think you'll stay?"

"Don't know," said Jess, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"What about work?" Luke asked.

"Well, I am officially taking a break."

"A break? From work?"

"Yes. A sabbatical, if you will."

"You weren't fired, were you?"

"No, I quit."

"Jess!"

"I'm kidding," he said.

"That's not something to joke about," Luke snapped. "You've got a good thing going, Jess, and I will not let you just throw it away. Now, what's going on?"

Jess scuffed the floor with his shoe. "It's like I said on the phone," he said. "I caught Grace with another guy, and Matt thought I should take some time to recuperate."

"Is that really all?"

"Well," Jess admitted, "I've been working on this new book, and I'm having trouble with it. And apparently someone in New York read the last one and wants my second one—if I can ever actually finish it." He looked around the familiar apartment and said, "The guys at work think that if I took some time off to work on the book, then maybe I'll actually get it done and we can enter some kind of deal with this other publishing company. You know, get some publicity and funding at Truncheon."

"But what are you going to do about money?" Luke asked. Jess simply looked at him. "You want to work at the diner?" Luke was surprised when Jess gave a little nod.

"But why?"

"Look, Luke," Jess began, "I'm not going to sit here and share all the gory details of what's been happening lately, but—" His voice broke off, and he rubbed a hand over his face. When he spoke again, his voice was softer and he would not look at his uncle as he said, "I guess I just wanted to come home."

"Home?" asked Luke, perhaps too gruff than he meant, "You mean Stars Hollow is your home now?"

"It has been lately," Jess told him.

Luke gave his nephew a sharp look before nodding and saying, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," said Luke. "Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go get ready."

"Ready for what?"

"Taylor's got some New Year's Eve thing happening in the square, and Lorelai talked me into selling coffee, so I have to get that set up. You can come if you want." Luke walked past Jess to the door and then stopped.

"This girl, Grace," he asked, "Did you love her?"

Jess chuckled, "No, no I didn't love her."

"Okay," said Luke. "So you'll be okay?"

"Yep."

"Good," Luke opened the door, and then stopped again. He reached for Jess and pulled him into a tight and awkward hug before letting go and leaving as quickly as he could.

When the door swung shut after him, Jess scanned the room and said to himself, "Welcome back, Jess."


	11. Something About You

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Five for Fighting

* * *

**Chapter 11—Something About You**

_Baby there's something about you that / I can hold on to / I'm going to hold on to that / I never thought I would win / I never thought much about that. / (It's been a long time coming.) / I never stopped to begin / Thinking about the process. / (It's been a long time coming.)_

"Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!" chattered Lorelai as she ran up to the small booth where Luke was selling the hot beverage to the other freezing citizens of Stars Hollow. Taylor, in all his wisdom, had decided that for New Year's there should be yet another winter carnival, which everyone at the town meeting (but Luke) had agreed was a marvelous idea but were now freezing and miserable.

"You sure you need it?" he asked. "You look pretty wired already."

"N-no, it's s-s-so c-cold!" she said, stuttering for emphasis.

"You need rehab."

"No, I need biscotti!" Lorelai teased him as she walked away.

"You gotta pay for that," he called after her.

She smiled sweetly and came back to the booth. Instead of giving him the money, however, Lorelai leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "And there's plenty more where that came from, big boy," she flirted and left to find Rory.

"Ooh, where did you get that?" Rory asked as Lorelai joined her and Lane.

"Luke's selling it," she told her only daughter.

"I might have to get some in a minute." Rory stamped her feet and shrugged deep inside her heavy coat. "What was Taylor thinking?"

"The sad thing is that all of the 'entertainment' that he got for this had to cancel," Lane informed the Gilmore girls. "The band has bronchitis, the parents of Miss Patty's dance students protested because of the cold, and the magician got caught in a snowstorm back in New Hampshire."

"Aw, there was going to be a magician?" asked Lorelai. "No fair."

"So if there's no entertainment," Rory asked, "What are we doing here?"

"Counting down to midnight," Lane said.

"That's in, like, 3 hours."

"Welcome home, Rory," Lane laughed.

"Okay, the boys are at your mom's," Zack announced as he and Brian showed up, "and she's already got them ready for bed, and we can pick them up any time tomorrow morning."

"Thank God," Lane said as her husband wrapped his arms around her. She buried herself close to his chest and wrapped his coat around her as well. "Oh, so much warmer," she sighed.

"Mrs. Kim is taking care of Steve and Kwan?" Rory asked. "Don't you want them to celebrate the New Year with everyone?"

"Rory, they're three," Lane explained. "And while I would love nothing more than disregard everything my mother says about raising _my_ kids, I would much rather relinquish them to her tonight then have to deal with them tomorrow after being up all night long."

"Ah, welcome to the wonderful world of parenting," Lorelai said.

Rory leaned past Lane and Zack, and asked, "Brian, you okay?"

"No," he moaned. He was rubbing his shoulder and grimacing in pain.

"Oh, don't mind him," Zack said. "Kwan just totally beat his ass."

"I think he pulled my arm out of socket," Brian whined.

"Dude, he's just a kid," Zack told him. "Just ignore him."

"He's out to get me. Both of them."

"Oh, I've missed this," Rory said with a laugh.

"It has been too long, Rory," Lane agreed. Her smile faded and she whispered, "Is _he_ here yet?"

Rory looked down the street toward Luke's Diner. There was a light on in the upstairs apartment. "Yeah," she said.

"Who?" asked Brian.

"Jess," Zack told him.

"Who's Jess?"

"Rory's ex-boyfriend. Pay attention."

"You mean the guy she stole the yacht with?"

"No, dude, the other dude, Luke's nephew."

"Luke has a nephew?"

"Dude, do you live in your own world?" Zach asked. "You need to spend more time with real people than on the internet."

"Hey, just because I like fanfiction doesn't mean that I don't live in the real world."

"Dude, don't tell people that."

"Oh, I really missed this," Rory said.

"Hey, I'm going to go hang out with Luke," Lorelai told her daughter. She paused and asked, "Are you going to be okay? I mean, if you-know-who shows up?"

"I miss Harry Potter," Brian lamented.

"Well, maybe you can write a fanfic later," Zack comforted him.

"Yeah," Rory said, raising her chin in the air, "I'll be fine. I've got Lane and I've got Zack. He wouldn't dare mess with me tonight." She paused, and then added with a roll of her eyes, "And I've got Brian, too."

"Okay," Lorelai said. She left the four friends and walked back to Luke's booth.

"I'm not selling you another cup," he said when he saw her.

"I know," she said. Lorelai reached for a new Styrofoam cup and helped herself.

"Lorelai, what did I just say?"

"That you weren't going to sell me another cup?" she said, taking a sip. "Ah, nothing tastes better than free coffee."

"Why do I put up with you?" he asked.

"Because you love me," she pouted and took another sip.

Luke almost smiled but didn't say anything and kept serving the other customers. Lorelai came behind the booth and sat down on one of the two stools behind the booth.

"So, how is he?" she asked.

"Jess? He's fine," Luke said, "Well, I guess he's fine."

"What happened? What did you find out?"

"He's, uh, apparently working on a second novel, and his friends down at that publishing house want him to take some time off to finish it."

"What about the girlfriend? Is he really torn up about that?"

"I can't tell," Luke said, "You know how Jess is. Keeps his personal life to himself. I'm surprised he even told me what he did."

"Sounds like he was just trying to be honest with you."

"Yeah," Luke paused. He swallowed and said, "He's, uh, going to work at the diner."

"What?" asked Lorelai.

"Yeah, he asked if he could work at the diner full time. You know, so he can have some sort of income while he writes this thing."

"Right, right," Lorelai said. "Wow, so weird, huh?"

"What?"

"Having Jess live here again. Hey, have you told Taylor? Because if you haven't, I so want to be there when you do. Can you imagine the look on his face?"

"I'm more concerned about Rory's reaction," Luke admitted.

"She'll be fine," Lorelai said. "She's a big girl. Rory can take care of herself."

"You really believe that?"

"I'm trying to."

"I guess it helps that she doesn't live here anymore," Luke mused. "I mean, she goes back to Boston Sunday night, right? So she won't have to put up with him if they

start bugging each other."

"Yeah," Lorelai said sadly, "Although I kinda wished we could all just go back in time when the kids were in high school and making out on the couch."

"Never thought I'd hear you say that," Luke said, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

"Yeah, well, this whole week has made me very nostalgic."

Lorelai sat in silence while Luke continued to serve coffee. In a few minutes, April arrived with more thermoses of freshly brewed java. "Here you go, Dad," she said, setting them on the table.

"Thanks, April," he said, "Hey, do you mind if I take off for awhile?"

"You want me to watch the booth?"

"Yeah, that would be great if you could."

"Sure, no problem," April sat down on the other stool.

"Thanks," Luke said. "Lorelai, would you—" He motioned her to follow him, and she did. They walked away from the square, which was still crowded even though there was nothing to do. Kirk had gotten up in the gazebo and was attempting to serenade the crowd with karaoke. Lorelai was tempted to drag Luke over there so that they could spend their time mocking Kirk, but she sensed that he wanted to talk about something important.

When they were a safe distance away from the square, safe in the sense that they would not be overheard, Luke turned and faced her.

"Look," he began, "I'm not sure if I should say anything to you about this, and I want you to know that if you don't feel good about it, I'm willing to accept that. I just—

I've been thinking a lot lately, and I—oh, boy, I just have to say something, and I know this might not be the most romantic place, or the best time—I was going to wait until midnight, you know when all the fireworks would be going off—that is, if Taylor still plans on shooting off the fireworks—"

"Whoa, whoa, Luke, slow down," Lorelai said. "I think that's the most you have ever said to me at once." She paused, looked him straight in the eye and asked, "Luke, did you have coffee?"

Luke sighed and dropped to his knees on the cold ground.

"Luke, what are you—"

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore," he said, "Will you marry me?"


	12. Addicted

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Simple Plan

* * *

**Chapter 12—Addicted**

_Since the day I met you / And after all we've been through / Still addic- / I'm addicted to you / I think you know that it's true / I'd run a thousand miles to get to you / Do you think I deserve this…I'm tryin' to forget / That I'm addicted to you / But I want it / And I need it / I'm addicted to you_

Kirk was singing Christmas karaoke. Jess stood there with a smirk on his face and thanked God that he had finally decided to leave the diner. He had missed this crazy town.

He assumed Rory was in the crowd, but he wasn't going to look for her. No, Jess was not going to search for Rory just so they could stand there and revel in each other's awkwardness. He was going to hang back and observe, and if she wanted to talk to him, she could find him on her own.

That was the plan, at least.

"Oh, no," Lane said.

"What?" asked Rory, turning around to see who Lane was staring at. Her eyes fell on Jess, and he looked up and saw her as well. The two stood frozen, staring at each other through the crowd, and if her stomach hadn't been doing cartwheels, Rory would have thought the scene was right out of a Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks film.

She turned back to Lane, Zack and Brian. She couldn't think of anything to say, and all she wanted to do was run.

"Cover for me," she managed to spit out before taking off.

"Rory, wait!" called Lane, but Rory was gone. "Oh, great," Lane said, "What are we going to do?"

"Just play it cool," Zack said. "He's coming over."

"Who?" asked Brian.

"Dude, pay attention."

Jess had seen Rory run but he still decided to come over and chat with Lane. Lane and him were friends, right? He knew they hadn't been best buds or anything but she had tolerated him when he had lived in Stars Hollow. Surely she would at least be civil to him and not run away like some people.

He nonchalantly sauntered up to her and those guys he remembered from her and Dave's band. The three of them were looking everywhere but at him.

"Hey," Jess said.

"Oh, hey," said Lane, as if she had just noticed him standing there. "When did you get into town."

"A couple of hours ago."

"Cool, cool," she said. "You remember Zack and Brian, right?"

"Yeah, hey," he said, reaching out to shake first Zack's hand and then Brian's. "You guys still play together?"

"Oh, well, we get together and jam sometimes," Zack said, "But with the kids it's kinda hard to find time to practice."

"That's right," Jess remembered, "Luke told me the two of you got married."

"Yep, going on 3 years now," Lane smiled up into Zack's face.

"Congratulations," Jess said, and then realized he had never spoken this much to Rory's friends before. The thought reminded him of how uncomfortable the situation was, and he clammed up.

Lane felt sorry for him. She knew that Rory wouldn't want her to, but she couldn't see the harm in saying, "I'm glad you're back, Jess."

He looked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah," she said. "I know Luke will love having you around again. And your mom and all."

"Yeah, I guess," Jess shrugged. "Well, I'm going to go mingle."

"Oh, okay—" Lane watched him walk away.

"That was weird," Zack said.

"Yeah, it was."

* * *

He knew she would be there, and he wasn't disappointed. Rory stood in the middle of the bridge and watched him approach. Jess half expected her to run away again, but she stood and waited for him as he took his time to meet her here where they had shared so many memories long ago.

"Why are you here?" she asked. "I just wanted to come home and be at peace for a day or two, and you had to ruin that!"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"No, you're not," she said. "Jess, why does this always have to happen?"

"What?" he asked.

"Why do you always have to confuse me about everything?" Rory snapped.

"I'm not trying to confuse you."

"I know that, but you are. You don't even have to say anything to do it," she told him. "I saw that picture from the Christmas party, and all of a sudden I just couldn't get you out of my head—"

"You missed me?" he smiled.

"No," she said harshly. She looked away and said, "I just wish things could have been better."

"Me, too," Jess said.

Rory looked at him, and he appeared to be telling her the truth. "Why do we always mess things up, Jess?"

"I have no idea," he paused. "You wanna push me in the lake?" he asked.

Finally, Rory smiled. It was small and sad, but it was a smile and that gave Jess courage.

He took a step closer to her and said, "Rory, I'm not here to confuse you. I'm not here to ask you to run away with me, or to tell you I love you, or anything like that. I just—" Jess stopped, uncomfortable with the memories of those horrible chance encounters with Rory from before. "I needed to come home," he finally said, "And I didn't know where that home was until I started thinking about Stars Hollow."

"You feel at home here?" she asked.

"Yeah. Crazy, huh?"

"You're lucky," Rory told him. "I know this is supposed to be my home but it hasn't felt that way in a long time."

There was so much history between them Jess could not believe that they would ever feel comfortable together. At the same time, he desperately wanted to make Rory happy. He decided to be humble and said, "Do you think we could be friends?"

"Friends?"

"It's worth a shot, right?" he smiled. "One of these days we might end up related. Wouldn't you rather try to play nice together now? Just so those family reunions run

smoothly in the future."

She smiled again, and Jess had to scold himself for the elated feeling that suddenly ballooned up inside him.

"Friends," Rory mused.

"Yeah, think Joey and Phoebe," he told her. "We definitely can't be Chandler and Monica, but maybe we could take a break from being Ross and Rachel."

That made her laugh. "Okay," she said. "We're friends."

"Friends to the end," Jess said. He jerked his head back toward the town and said, "Want to rejoin the party?"

"I'd love to, friend," Rory smiled. She and Jess walked back to the square together.


	13. Closing Time

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Semisonic

* * *

**Chapter 13—Closing Time**

_Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. / I know who I want to take me home…Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end._

Luke dropped to his knees on the cold ground.

"Luke, what are you—"

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore," he said, "Will you marry me?"

For the first time in her life, Lorelai was speechless. She stared down at Luke, her Luke, kneeling before her and offering her a small black velvet box.

Luke was feeling anxious, but he didn't want to say anything. He didn't want Lorelai to say yes because she felt pressured. Oh, but how he wished she would.

"Luke, I—" Lorelai's voice caught in her throat, and Luke saw tears forming in her eyes.

She knelt down in the snow beside him and whispered, "Yes."

"Really?" he asked, a wide smile breaking across his face.

"Really, truly, madly, deeply," she told him. Lorelai reached for him and kissed him for all the world to see. Her heart was pounding, her mind racing, and her stomach dancing, but Lorelai had never once felt so at peace before.

She broke away first, the tears starting to fall, and said, "Luke, I want to marry you and be with you forever. I love you."

"I love you, too," he said. Luke opened the box and offered her the ring. When Lorelai saw it, she began to laugh and cry all at the same time. "It's beautiful," she said.

Luke slid the ring on her finger and helped her to her feet.

Lorelai admired the shiny diamond and asked, "Did you buy this one from Kirk, too?"

He laughed and kissed her. "You know what the best thing is?" he asked.

"What?"

"I remembered to get champagne."

"What about the Zima?"

He laughed again and raced back to the square, leading her by the hand. They pushed their way through the crowd and up the steps to the gazebo. Taking the microphone away from a surprised Kirk, Luke said, "Um, ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?"

A surprised hush fell on the town. Lorelai began to blush, and she squeezed Luke's hand as he announced, "I have something that I want to share with you all. Just now _I_ proposed to Lorelai," he paused for dramatic effect and gave Lorelai a wink before continuing, "And she has agreed to marry me!"

* * *

As Rory and Jess approached the square once more, they were greeted by a loud cheer and thunderous applause.

"Think the magician finally made it?" Rory asked.

"Uh, Rory, look," Jess pointed in the direction of Luke and Lorelai, who were now kissing as the citizens of Stars Hollow egged them on.

"You don't think—" Rory began. They looked at each other, and immediately raced toward the couple.

"Mom!" Rory called. "What's going on?"

"They're engaged, sugar," Babette told her.

"Mom?"

"It's true, babe," Lorelai told her. "He just asked me."

"Do we have your blessing, Rory?" Luke asked shyly.

"My blessing?" Rory repeated. "Of course!" She ran up the stairs and attacked Luke in a huge bear hug. She was joined by April, and soon they were a mess of bodies, hugging, jumping, screaming, and laughing.

"Jackson!" Luke called. "Do you have that champagne?"

A pop! was heard, and soon the newly engaged couple were toasting to their good fortune.

"Are you happy, Lorelai?" Luke asked her.

"So happy," she told him.

* * *

Luke and Lorelai were swamped with friends and well-wishers, each and every one of their friends present celebrating with them. Rory found her way out of the madness and discovered Jess watching her.

"I called it," he told her.

"Yes, you did," she acknowledged. "Good thing, too, because now we can go to those all those lovely Gilmore-Danes family reunions."

"So, I guess this means we're cousins."

"Step-cousins," Rory corrected him.

"My second favorite kind," Jess teased.

"Oh, yeah, what's your first?"

"Kissing cousins."

She slapped him on the arm, but laughed all the same.

Taylor shouted through his megaphone, "Okay people, it's almost midnight! Let the countdown begin! 10!"

"9!"

Lorelai looked at Luke and whispered, "I think this is going to be a very good year."

"8!"

"I have a feeling you're right," he whispered back.

"7!"

"Zack, I have to tell you something."

"6!"

"What is it, babe?"

"5!"

"I think I'm pregnant again."

"4!"

"Oh, my God, Luke!" Lorelai exclaimed. "It's beginning to snow!"

"3!"

Rory sneaked a look at Jess. He felt her staring at him and turned to her with a smile.

"2!"

Rory leaned into Jess, and looked up with guilty and expectant eyes.

"1!"

Jess leaned toward Rory and kissed her on her forehead. As he pulled away, he pushed back a strand of her hair behind her ear. He was too close to her, and he knew if he didn't move away soon he would do something they would both regret.

"Happy New Year, Rory Gilmore," he told her before he walked away.

Rory watched him head for the diner and wondered why she felt so disappointed.


	14. Banana Pancakes

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Jack Johnson

**Note: **Thanks to all my lovely reviewers! So much love, I can't believe it. You are all amazing!

* * *

**Chapter 14—Banana Pancakes**

_waking up too early / Maybe we can sleep in / make you banana pancakes / pretend like it's the weekend now_

"Morning, mommy dearest!" Rory announced as she and April entered the Gilmore house.

"Rory!" Lorelai called, "We're in the kitchen!"

"Of course you are," Rory said as she followed her mother's voice. Lorelai was seated at the table with the biggest smile on her face. At the stove Luke was flipping pancakes and whistling.

Rory and April shared a look.

"I am so glad you talked me into sleeping at Lane and Zack's with you last night," April told her soon-to-be stepsister. She shuddered as she looked back to her father and Lorelai who were now making goo-goo eyes at each other. "I would have been scarred for life if I had stayed."

"Eat your pancakes and shut up," Luke told his daughter, setting a fresh batch on the table.

"Hello?" Jess called from the front door. "Mmm, do I smell breakfast?" he asked as he sat down at the table between Lorelai and Rory. He reached for the stack of pancakes and took more than half for himself.

"Excuse you," Rory said. "But you're supposed to share the pancakes."

"Luke can make more," he told her, his mouth full.

Lorelai looked at Rory with a curious expression on her face, and Rory quickly occupied herself with pouring a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, Dad, you might want to make a lot more," April said. "Like enough to feed a small nation."

"Nah, we're talking more like enough for the former Soviet Union," Rory said.

"I'm on it, Comrade Gilmore," Luke said, going back to the stove.

"So, how was Lane's?" Lorelai asked.

"Interesting," Rory said. "Apparently, Lane and Zack are pregnant again."

"Shut up!"

"I'm serious," Rory said. "Wow, this is good coffee."

"If they don't watch out, those two are going to end up like Sookie and Jackson," April commented. "All those kids."

"Aw, I love babies," Lorelai said. She looked over at Luke and the two shared a smile.

Rory and April both made gagging noises.

"Kids," Jess said shaking his head.

"I know it's still early, but have you two lovebirds given any thought to what type of wedding you want to have?" Rory asked.

"Actually, we did talk about that last night," Lorelai said. "We're thinking more on the small side. You know, a small wedding party and just a few guests. I know Mom will be upset, but—"

"We don't want to jinx it," Luke said. "This is our wedding and we want it to be about us, and not about pleasing others."

"Exactly," Lorelai affirmed. "Which leads me to my first order of business as the bride." She turned to April and asked, "April, would you like to be one of my bridesmaids?"

April's eyes grew big and she said, "Of course, Lorelai! As long as I don't have to wear one of those hideous dresses with the tulle and poofy sleeves."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Lorelai turned to her daughter and said, "Rory, I would like you to be my maid of honor."

"But what about Sookie?" Rory asked.

"I'm going to ask Sookie to be a bridesmaid, too," Lorelai assured her, "But I would much rather have you as my maid of honor."

"Well, then, yes!" Rory said. She got up and ran around Jess' seat to give her mother a hug. "Thank you!"

"No, thank you," Lorelai told her.

"Ahem," Luke cleared his throat. The four eaters looked up at him and he stammered out, "Um, I've been thinking, and uh, Jess, I would be honored if you were—" Luke looked down at the floor and said, "I mean, if you wanted to, I was thinking that maybe you could be my best man."

"Really?" asked Jess. "I would have thought you'd ask Kirk, or T.J.!" He laughed, but then answered seriously, "Yeah, Luke, I could do that."

"Good," Luke said. "That's good."

"Luke, honey?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah?"

"Your pancakes are burning."

The smoke alarm went off as Luke spun around and shouted, "Dammit!"


	15. Bang the Doldrums

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Fall Out Boy

**Note: **Super long chappie! Sorry about that, but I just couldn't decide how to divide it up, and I liked how it went together so...hopefully you'll like it.

* * *

**Chapter 15—Bang the Doldrums**

_I wrote a goodbye note / In lipstick on your arm / When you passed out / I couldn't bring myself to call / Except to call it quits…Best friends / Ex-friends till the end / Better off as lovers / And not the other way around_

"I am so tired," April sighed slipping under the sheets of the small bed that Luke had made up for her. "What time is it?"

"It's after 11:30," Rory said. "Do you mind if I read some?" She held up the book in her hands—_Howl—_and April nodded her consent. Rory turned off the main light and snuggled into her bed, switching on the small lamp on her bedside table.

She had only just started when she heard a buzzing sound coming from her purse on the floor. Rory quickly climbed out of bed and rummaged around in the bag. She managed to find the cell and answered it before the caller could hang up.

"Hello?" she asked. The number was not one that she recognized and she felt a sense of foreboding that someone would call her so late at night.

"Hello, Rory," a voice responded. Her heart dropped as she recognized it. God, no, not _him_. Not now. Certainly, he was the last person she expected to hear from.

"Hi," she said because there was nothing else she could think to do. April turned over in her bed and Rory realized that if she was going to have this phone call than she would want absolute privacy.

"Is this a good time?" he asked. Rory closed her bedroom door behind her and grabbed her winter coat from the closet before slipping outside onto the porch.

"As good as any," she replied. "What do you want, Logan?"

"Just thought I'd say hello," he said.

"At this time of night?"

"Okay, fine," he confessed with a sigh. "I'm in Hartford and I thought that maybe you'd like to get a drink or something. For old time's sake."

"Really?" Rory asked. "You came all the way from California to have a drink with me at 11:41 at night?"

"No, actually, I came all the way from California because Honor just had her baby and that's what brothers do when they become uncles."

"Honor has a baby?" Rory asked, her voice dropping suddenly.

"Yep, a little girl," Logan said proudly. "She's got Honor's good looks and Josh's money. She'll make a perfect debutante."

"Th-that's great," Rory stuttered. "That's really, really great. Really. It's great."

"So I've heard," he laughed. "Are you free, Rory?"

"Free?"

"For drinks tonight. I've already called Colin and Finn. It'll be just like old times."

"Um, no," Rory said with a sigh. "I'm in Stars Hollow tonight and…and I just don't think it's a good thing to do right now."

Logan sighed into the mouthpiece. "Okay, I just thought I'd try." He sighed again, and then asked, "Do you hate me, Rory?"

"Hate you? No. Why would you think that?"

"You always refuse to see me."

Rory swallowed. "I know," she said. "I'm sorry. I just feel weird. Someday, I swear, it will be different."

He knew she was lying but he kept his accusation to himself. "Well, at least I tried," he consoled himself.

"Thanks for calling, Logan," Rory said. "Please tell Colin and Finn I said hello."

"Sure."

"And, uh, tell Honor—" she stuttered. "Tell Honor congratulations for me."

"Will do. Take care of yourself, Ace."

"Goodbye Logan," she said, hanging up.

Rory slipped back into the house and hung up her coat. She carefully entered her bedroom without waking up the now sleeping April and got into bed. She placed _Howl_ on her nightstand and turned off the reading lamp.

In the darkness, Rory silently cried herself to sleep.

* * *

The phone rang, and Jess reached over in bed and picked up, mumbling a sleepy, "Hello?" 

"Hello, Jess."

He sat up in bed and asked, "Grace? How did you get this number?"

"I talked to Matt," she told him. "I've missed you. How are you?"

"Um, I'm okay, I guess." Jess looked at the clock beside the phone. 1:12 AM.

"How's Small-town, USA?"

"Look, Grace," he cut her off, "What do you want? It's 1 AM. You can't be calling just to chitchat."

She paused and Jess could hear her breath catching in her voice as she softly replied, "I told you. I've missed you." Grace paused again, and then added, "And I'm sorry."

"Oh, really?" Jess laughed bitterly.

"Yes, really," she told him. "Look, I've moved all of my stuff out of the apartment, so you can come back now and you won't have to worry about seeing me."

"I'm not planning on coming back anytime soon."

"Like you're really going to last long in Stars Hollow," she laughed. "You and I both know that you'll be back in Philly soon enough."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Is she there?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb," Grace snapped. "Is Rory there? Is she with you now, asleep in bed next to you?"

"Shut up, Grace," he warned.

"You and I both know she's never going to come back to you," she taunted him. "She's too good for you. Too rich. Too pretty. Do you honestly think that if you just wait long enough she's going to fall suddenly in love with you all over again? Do you?"

"Grace, you have no idea what you are talking about," he snapped.

"Fine," she conceded, "Just know that when you get your heart broken, you can always come back to Philly."

Jess hung up on her. _Stupid bitch_, he thought. He fell back into bed and closed his eyes. He tried to go back to sleep, but all Jess could think of was what Grace had said.

* * *

Saturday morning, Jess was up and helping Luke get ready for the day. He began setting up the tables when Rory knocked on the door. 

"Jess, can you get that?" Luke called from the kitchen.

"Yeah." Jess unlocked the door for her and stepped aside as Rory entered the diner.

"Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you, privately," Rory asked in a voice not much higher than a whisper.

"Sure," he said. "Luke! I'm going upstairs for a few minutes. I'll be right back."

Jess led her up the back stairs to the small apartment and silently cursed himself for not cleaning up after he got up. The bed was unmade, and his clothes from the night before were on the floor. He kicked a pair of boxers under the bed and gave her an embarrassed look. "Sorry about the mess," he said.

"Looks like a bachelor pad," she laughed.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

"About us," Rory told him, "And our new decision to be friends."

"Okay." He motioned for her to sit down at the table and she did. Rory folded her hands on the table in front of her and cleared her throat. Jess wanted to laugh at how uncomfortable she seemed, as if she were about to pitch a business deal.

"First, I think we should catch up," she said. "You know tell each other what we've been doing lately. Jobs, friends, etc."

"Did you prepare a pro/con list when you thought about this?" he teased.

"Would you like to go first?" Rory asked him.

Jess could see that Rory was not going to mess around. He decided to play her little game and answered, "Well, let's see. I work at a publishing house, which you already knew, and I've recently decided to take some time off to come back here and work on my second book."

Rory's eyes got bright and Jess marveled at how young she suddenly looked. "Really?" she asked eagerly. "You're writing again?"

"Yep," he told her, elated at her approval.

"That's great. So that's why you're here?"

"Yeah, I decided to leave Philly so that I could clear my head and conquer this thing."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll do great," Rory beamed. "Your first book was just brilliant."

"Thanks," he said. "Now, what about you? Still doing the journalist-thing?"

"Yep, working for the Boston Globe and I spend most of my time traveling the East Coast."

"I bet you love that."

"It's okay."

"Just okay?"

"I'd rather be overseas," Rory admitted.

"Oh, yeah," Jess remembered. "Christiane Amanapour, right?"

"Right," she said, pleased that he remembered.

"You'll get there."

"How can you be so sure?" she asked.

"'Cause you're Rory Gilmore," Jess explained, as though he were stating the obvious.

"What?" Rory asked, "What do you mean?"

He gave her a look and said, "Rory, have you ever _not_ gotten what you wanted?"

"Is that it then?" she asked, furious. "I get my way because I'm a _Gilmore_?"

"I didn't say that," he hissed.

"If Rory can't do it on her own, she just gets Daddy Warbucks to buy it for her, right?"

"God, Rory, you're blowing this way out of proportion," he told her.

"Because that's not the case."

"I know," Jess said.

"I don't rely on my grandparents for anything anymore," she told him.

"I know," Jess repeated.

"I'm not the way I used to be."

"I know."

"No, Jess, no you don't know," Rory told him. "You think you know me, but you can't possibly! We haven't spent more than a couple hours together since high school."

"Rory, what is the matter?" He asked.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"What?" Jess prompted.

"I feel so empty," she sighed. "You're so lucky, Jess."

"Why?"

"You've gone and done something with your life, even after Taylor and so many others said you'd never be able to. And here I am, Rory Gilmore, who's had her life planned since kindergarten, and I feel so lost."

"It will get better," he told her.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because," he paused, "I know you."

"Stop saying that!"

"But it's true."

Rory stared at him, and then suddenly she leaned across the table and kissed him. Jess wanted so badly to give into her, but he pushed her away.

"Stop, Rory."

"Why?" she asked.

Jess would not look at her. "We can't do this," he said.

"Yes, we can," Rory told him. "I want this. You want this."

"But—"

"I need this, Jess," she pleaded with him.

"I can't," he told her. "I can't _fix_ you." Jess finally looked up from the table at her. Rory's eyes were filled with angry tears, and she stood abruptly and headed for the

door.

"I don't need you to fix me," she spat back at him before slamming the door after her.


	16. Big Girls Don't Cry Personal

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Fergie (Sorry, I just had to use this song. I think I'm going to go watch the video now…)

* * *

**Chapter 16—Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal)**

_I hope you know, I hope you know / That this has nothing to do with you / It's personal, myself and I / We've got some straightenin' out to do_

"Rory, honey?" Lorelai asked as she entered the kitchen. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Oh, I've been up for awhile," Rory explained. She put down the paper and said, "The coffee is ready. Not as good as Luke's, but its strong."

Lorelai sniffed the coffee pot. "Boy, I'll say." Rory seemed out of sorts. "Are you okay, honey?"

"Hmm?" Rory looked up at her mother. "Oh, yeah, sure. I'm just thinking." Rory paused, and then added, "Thinking about getting back to work Monday."

"Ugh," Lorelai groaned, "Don't remind me." She sat down at the kitchen table and patted her daughter on the arm. "It's been nice having you home again."

"Yeah," was Rory's absentminded reply, "It's been nice."

Lorelai wanted to ask what was wrong but was spared with the sudden appearance of April emerging from Rory's bedroom. "Mmmm," she sighed, "Coffee."

April headed for the coffee pot sitting on the counter and began to pour herself a cup. Lorelai stood and took the cup away from her.

"Hey—Lorelai!"

Lorelai took a sip and smacked her lips. "Mmm, good," she said. "Thanks for the coffee, April."

"Lorelai, that was mine."

"Yes, and if your father found out that I let you have some he'd call off the wedding."

April spun and faced Rory and asked, "When did you start drinking coffee?"

"Um," Rory thought back, "Sixth grade."

"_Sixth_ grade?" repeated April, "Sixth _grade_?" She looked at Lorelai and repeated, "Sixth grade!"

"And I will not make the same mistakes with you!" Lorelai told her. "Now, go get dressed. We're late for breakfast."

April pouted but obeyed and headed for the shower.

"Mom?" Rory began tentatively, "I think I'm going to skip breakfast at Luke's."

"Why? Are you sick?"

"No."

"Then why?" Lorelai asked. "There's nothing here to eat."

"Well, I'm not hungry anyway," Rory lied.

"What?" Lorelai slapped her hand to Rory's forehead. "You're as cool as a cucumber! Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Rory—"

"Plus, I should probably go see Lane again before I leave."

"You have all day," Lorelai said. Rory did not say anything.

"Wait, Rory, when are you planning on leaving?"

"I've got a cab coming at 6 tonight."

"6?" Lorelai asked. "I thought you weren't supposed to leave until tomorrow?"

"Yeah, well," Rory looked down at her empty coffee mug, "I've got so much work I need to get done, it would be better if I just went back early."

"Rory?" Lorelai leaned forward and almost whispered. "Does this have something to do with Jess?"

"No," Rory said with a stony face.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Are you upset about me and Luke?"

"What? No! Not at all."

"Then what is wrong?" Lorelai asked worriedly.

"It's nothing, Mom," Rory sighed. "Can we please just drop the subject?"

"Only if you go to Luke's for breakfast."

"Fine," Rory conceded. "I'll make an appearance."

"Good," Lorelai said with a small smile. "Might as well get your stuff."

"April's still in the shower," Rory pointed out.

At that moment, Lorelai and Rory heard the shower being turned off.

"April may be sixteen, but she is so low-maintenance," Lorelai explained. "I don't know what I'm going to do when she discovers boys."

"Just keep her away from the bag boys at Doose's," Rory advised. "It's a good thing Luke's relatives are off limits."

"Ugh, that makes me sick," Lorelai moaned.

April entered the kitchen and asked, "Are you ready for breakfast?"

"Are you going out in this weather with wet hair?" Lorelai asked.

"I thought you wanted me to hurry?"

"Yes, but not at the risk of your health," Lorelai explained. "Go blow dry your hair."

"Okay, okay," April mumbled as she went back upstairs to the bathroom.

* * *

"Good morning, fellow patrons of Luke's Diner," Lorelai sang out as she entered.

"Hey," Luke said, kissing Lorelai. "Go ahead and sit anywhere."

"Good," Lorelai said with a grin. She led the other girls to a large table by the window where they sat down.

"Jess!" Luke called. His nephew appeared from the kitchen, and Luke handed him two plates heaping with French Toast. "Take these to Lorelai. You can take a break and

have breakfast with us if you want."

"Oh, um," Jess glanced over at Rory, who was purposely not looking at him, "Yeah, okay."

Jess carefully put the dishes in front of Lorelai and Rory, and stepped aside as Luke arrived with two more plates. He put one in front of April and sat the other at the empty seat beside Rory. "Here you go, Jess," Luke motioned to the seat.

"Oh," Jess said. "Thanks."

"Aren't you going to eat?" Lorelai asked Luke.

"Nah," he said as he pulled up an extra chair and sat down. "I already ate. I just figured I'd take my break and sit with you all."

"Aren't you sweet?" she said and gave him another kiss. April rolled her eyes.

"Rory, did you come by the diner this morning?" Luke asked as they began to eat. Rory almost choked on her maple syrup-drenched French Toast.

"Um, yeah," she admitted. "Yeah, that was me."

"When did you come here?" asked Lorelai.

"After 6:30," April said. "I heard her get up."

"I, uh," Rory stammered as she tried to think of a lie, "Jess had borrowed a book of mine and I was just picking it up."

"Oh," said Luke. He looked between his nephew and Rory before asking, "And you couldn't wait until breakfast?"

"Well," Rory said, "I wasn't sure if I was coming to breakfast."

"Yes, Rory has decided to leave today instead of tomorrow," Lorelai explained with a touch of bitterness in her voice.

Jess's fork clattered against his plate as he dropped it in surprise. "Sorry," he said. "Um, I'm going to get back to work."

"Jess, you haven't finished your breakfast." Luke said.

"Yeah, I'm not hungry," Jess called over his shoulder as he went back to serving coffee.

"Hmm, must be an epidemic," Lorelai mused.

Rory shoveled her toast down as fast as she could without choking herself.

* * *

"I wish you weren't leaving," Lorelai told Rory that night as the taxicab waited to take Rory home to Boston.

"I know," Rory said, "But I have to get back."

"You know, Rory, you're only an hour or so away."

Rory shifted her purse to her other shoulder. "Yeah, I know," she said.

"Do you honestly need to stay away for another three years?"

"It's not like we don't see each other. I still see you at Friday Night Dinners."

"But that's not enough. Why won't you come home?"

"Mom, please, I'm really busy."

"Rory, what's wrong?"

Rory looked down at the ground, acutely aware that the cab driver was listening in on their conversation. "Like I said, I'm busy. I'm not seventeen anymore, Mom."

"I know, Rory," Lorelai said. "I know that. But this is your home. This is still your home."

Rory nodded. "I'll see you soon."

"Promise?"

"Yeah," Rory grinned. "I mean, I'll have to visit you in order to fulfill my maid-of-honor duties."

"And get your dress fitted."

"And talk about wedding plans," Rory said. "Congratulations, Mrs. Danes."

Lorelai hugged her daughter tightly. "It better be soon," she whispered.

Rory let go and got into the cab.

"Okay," she told the driver. "We can go now."


	17. Nobody's Home

**Note:** Wow, you guys, I feel the love. Thanks for the reviews. Hope you like this one. It might not seem typical Rory, but like I have said from the beginning, this is _my_ story. If it's a little too AU for some of you die hards, ya might wanna stop reading now.

Also, this chapter brings back one of my favorite characters, Paris. I don't feel I can write her well enough to do her justice, but I couldn't resist throwing her in.

And, I wanted to have some Lorelai/Jess bonding...so here we go.**  
**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Avril Lavigne

* * *

**Chapter 17—Nobody's Home**

_Her feelings she hides / Her dreams she can't find / She's losing her mind / She's fallen behind / She can't find her place / She's losing her faith / She's fallen from grace / She's all over the place / She wants to go home, but nobody's home / It's where she lies, broken inside / With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes / Broken inside / She's lost inside, lost inside..._

Rory reached the top of the stairs and struggled to unlock her apartment door. The cab ride had cost a fortune, but with no car, it was all Rory could do. Taking the bus would have raised too many suspicions.

She had gotten her mail when she entered the building, and now, in the privacy of her own home, Rory began to sort through it, praying for good news.

Apparently, God was not listening today.

It was all junk, except for two letters from The Washington Times and The Washington Post that both said _thanks but no thanks_, and then a yellow note that had the bright and cruel words **EVICTION NOTICE** printed across it.

Rory choked back a sob and sank to the floor. She leaned her back against the door and tried to think of what she could do. This could not be happening, not to her. She was a Gilmore!

"'_Cause you're Rory Gilmore…Rory, have you ever not gotten what you wanted?"_

_Oh shut up_, she told herself, willing Jess' voice out of her mind. _What to do, what to do?_ Rory felt trapped.

She could call her mother. She could call her grandparents. She could call Lane. She could call Jess.

No, none of those people could know. She would not allow them to pity her. This was her mess, and she was going to get herself out of it.

Rory looked at the angry eviction notice in her hand again, and this time the tears began to fall.

She could not call anyone in Stars Hollow, but she could call someone in New York.

Rory pulled her phone out of her purse and pressed number 3 on her speed-dial.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Rory said. "It's me." She sniffled and silently cursed herself for not keeping it together. "I need your help."

* * *

"Okay, we've got boxes, newspapers, and more than enough duct tape," Paris announced. "Let's start packing."

It was Sunday, the day after Rory had returned from Stars Hollow, and Rory had enlisted the help of her two friends in packing up her belongings and moving out. Doyle took the kitchen, Paris the living room, and Rory the bedroom. They wrapped up fragile items in the pages of the Boston Globe, the former workplace of Rory Gilmore, and Rory had to keep herself from reading her former colleagues' articles. Her fingers turned black from the ink of the pages, and by the end of the day her face was smudged and her head was hurting from trying so hard not to lose it in front of her friends.

They managed to pack all of her belongings into Paris' car and the small U-Haul that Doyle had rented. The boxes in Paris' car would head to Christopher's apartment in New York City where Rory would live. Doyle would drive the U-Haul to New Jersey where his mother resided, and it would be stored in her garage.

"I'll see you at home late tonight," Doyle told Paris as he got into the U-Haul.

"Be safe," she said and gave him a kiss through the window. She and Rory watched him drive away before getting in Paris' car.

"So, explain to me again what happened," Paris asked as they left Boston.

"I told you on the phone," Rory mumbled. She leaned her head against the

window and closed her eyes.

"Tell me again," Paris commanded. "All the details."

"I was fired," Rory began, her eyes still closed.

"How is that possible?" Paris interrupted. "You're an amazing journalist."

"I don't know. After the presidential elections where over, I had all these different offers, and for some reason I chose the Boston Globe," Rory said. "And it was like, as soon as I got there, I don't know. I guess I just got burnt out."

"Rory, it's only been a few years since graduation," Paris pointed out. "If you burned out now, what does that mean?"

"I have no idea," she said. Rory sat up and opened her eyes. "Maybe I'm not cut out for journalism."

"But you love journalism."

"Not in a while," Rory admitted. "I hated going to work. I hated writing articles. I hated researching. I hated interviewing people. And after awhile, I stopped getting assignments. And then my supervisor called me in and asked if everything was okay."

"And then?" Paris asked.

"I just—" Rory struggled with the embarrassment, "They fired me. I couldn't do it any longer, and they knew it and they fired me."

"Okay, I thought you were in D.C. over Christmas covering a story?" Paris asked.

"Nope," Rory admitted. "I was in D.C. for interviews with the Times and the Post."

"Have you heard back?"

"Yep," she said. "They both said no."

Paris sighed. "I'm sorry," she said simply. "If you need anything, Doyle and I are happy to help."

"Thanks," Rory told her.

"What are you going to do in New York?"

"Dad said I could live with him and GG for awhile. I guess I'll find a job somewhere."

"Another newspaper? Or magazine?"

"No," Rory said. "Just something to get me by. I have some money saved, although most of it went to paying for D.C. and that stupid cab ride to Stars Hollow."

"Just out of curiosity, why isn't your dad helping you move?"

"He had some business meeting he couldn't get out of," Rory said absently.

They drove in silence for a few minutes. It began to rain, and Rory found herself mesmerized by the windshield wipers as they moved back and forth in front of her. A sign appeared telling them how much further to New York.

"Huh," Rory grunted.

"What?"

"I'm moving to New York."

"So?" Paris asked, giving her upset friend a quick glance.

"I'm moving to _New York_," Rory repeated. "No, I'm not even doing that. I'm _running away_ to New York."

"Yeah, you're pretty crazy," Paris told her.

Rory leaned back against the passenger door and closed her eyes again. The sound of the rain and the windshield wipers was making her sleepy. Just before she dozed off, Rory mumbled, "Maybe next time I'll run away to California."

"What?" Paris asked, but Rory was already asleep.

* * *

"There is a phone call for you," Michel said as he entered the kitchen.

"For me?" Lorelai asked. "Who is it?"

"Do I look like I cared enough to find out?" he asked in that snobby voice of his and handed her the handset.

"Hello?" Lorelai asked.

"Hello, Lorelai?" Paris said. "It's Paris Geller."

"Hey, Paris, how are you?"

"I'm fine. Um, I have something I need to tell you."

"Okay, what?"

"Are you aware of Rory's current financial situation?" Paris began.

"Um, I'm sorry?"

"I guess she hasn't told you anything, has she?" Paris asked. "I don't understand. If I had a mother like you I would tell you everything."

"Paris," Lorelai interrupted. "No more chit chat. Tell me what the hell you are talking about? You're scaring me here."

"Rory lost her job," Paris said bluntly.

"Excuse me?"

"The Boston Globe fired Rory," she explained. "She doesn't want you to know, but I'm not sure how she could keep this from you. Plus, I didn't think she should."

"Where is she?"

"Looking for a job," Paris sighed. "She moved in with her dad in New York."

"New York?" asked Lorelai. "New York _City_? Rory is living with Christopher in New York?"

"Yeah, and she says she isn't going to work for any more papers."

"Paris, I'm going to have to call you back," Lorelai asked as she grabbed her keys. She threw the phone at Michel, who gave her a horrified look and asked, "Where are you going?"

Lorelai did not answer. She just ran.

* * *

"Luke!" Lorelai called as she ran into the diner.

Jess looked up from the counter. "He's out."

"What? Where?" she asked him.

"He's at Liz's. They've got a busted pipe over there, and T.J. only made it worse…" Jess trailed off as he noticed that Lorelai seemed close to tears. "Lorelai, are you okay?"

"I have to go to New York," she said. Lorelai began walking to the door. "Tell Luke I'm going to New York."

"New York?" he asked. "Lorelai, what's wrong?"

Jess impulsively grabbed Lorelai around the shoulders and held onto her as she began to cry. "What's wrong?" he asked again, "You're beginning to scare the customers."

"It's Rory," Lorelai told him. "She was fired and now she's living in New York with Christopher and she didn't tell me. Why didn't she tell me?"

"Come on," he said. "I'll go with you."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," he told her. "You're going to need someone who knows his way around. Zach!" Jess called over his shoulder as he shepherd Lorelai out the door. "Hold down the fort and let Luke know we went to New York!"

"Sure," said a clueless Zach as the two left.


	18. Makes Me Wonder

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Maroon 5

* * *

**Chapter 18—Makes Me Wonder**

_God damn, my spinning head / Decisions that made my bed / Now I must lay in it / And deal with things I left unsaid…You caught me in a lie / I have no alibi / The words you say don't have a meaning / Cause...I still don't have the reason_

"Lorelai, I don't think this is such a good idea," Christopher said as his ex-wife paced the living room. That guy she had shown up with was standing near the door. He had declined Christopher's invitation to sit down politely enough, but Chris felt an open hostility from the kid. He stood, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He had barely said two words together since he and Lorelai had shown up at Chris' apartment 20 minutes before.

"I don't care what you think, Christopher!" Lorelai snapped, "Rory is my daughter too! In fact, she's more my daughter than yours! I'm the one that's been there for her through everything! Everything! And now she just—shuts me out? Why?"

Lorelai collapsed onto the couch. Christopher instinctively went to her but she shoved him away. The young man also moved toward her, and she waved him off as well.

"I'm fine, Jess," she said.

"You sure?" this Jess character asked. He gave Christopher a glance, as if sizing him up. Lorelai shook her head at Jess and he retreated to his side of the room, leaning against the wall as if he were the only thing keeping it from falling down.

"Lorelai," Chris began carefully. "Rory called me and told me what had happened. She asked if she could move in for a few days. I thought she had told you."

"No, she hadn't, Christopher," Lorelai bit back. "I had to hear about this from Paris. Paris!" She began to cry, which surprised Chris. He had rarely seen her cry.

"I knew something was wrong," Lorelai said. She angrily dabbed at her eyes, ashamed at the emotion she was showing. She felt weak in front of Christopher, and that made her angry with herself. She was Rory's mother, her true parent, her best friend. Christopher was only good for presents and short visits, yet Rory had chosen _him_ over her mother? The world was upside down.

"Lorelai," Jess said, nodding in Christopher's direction, "Maybe Mr. Hayden is right. Maybe we shouldn't be here. I mean, Rory might not react well to the three of us ganging up on her."

"This is an intervention!" Lorelai said passionately.

"I think Rory might just need some time to cool off and think," Jess continued. Christopher was surprised, not just at his ability to speak in full sentences, but also that he was siding with Christopher. Jess seemed to realize what he was doing, too, and he didn't seem particularly happy about it.

"I can't just leave my baby girl here," Lorelai whispered, oblivious to the fact that Christopher sat beside her. She seemed to see only Jess.

"Lorelai, she's not a baby anymore," Jess told her. "Sometimes the best thing you can do is let someone run away." He gave a small shrug and buried his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. "Believe me," he said, "I should know."

Lorelai did not speak for a moment. She chewed on her bottom lip, and Christopher was afraid that she would start crying and yelling again. But she did not. She stood up and grabbed her purse off the floor from where she had thrown it as she had ranted and raved at Christopher, Rory, and everyone else that had ever done her wrong.

Chris felt like the invisible man as Lorelai went passed him and whispered to Jess. Chris felt a sense of overwhelming curiosity about this kid who knew exactly what buttons to push with Lorelai.

Lorelai turned to face Chris, her emotions still struggling to burst through, but Chris admired her strength to maintain her composure. "Jess is right," she said, "Rory wouldn't react well if she were to encounter us. We'll go back—" Her voice cracked, and Chris' body tensed for the breakdown, but she again surprised him and continued, "We'll go back to Stars Hollow. Just keep me informed Christopher."

"I promise," he said. "Lorelai, I swear to God, I had nothing to do with this."

She nodded but did not say anything. Jess gave Chris a chilling glance before opening the door to Lorelai.

Before she could leave, Chris called out, "Congratulations."

"I'm sorry?" Lorelai asked in a strained voice.

He pointed at the ring on her hand. "Congratulations," Chris repeated. "I'm sure you and Luke will be very happy."

Lorelai seemed uncomfortable, which Chris secretly delighted in until he saw Jess' warning glance. She whispered, "Thanks." The word was lame and Chris knew it, and Lorelai knew Chris knew it. She lifted her chin and strutted out of the apartment, followed by Jess who slammed the door shut.

Chris was left alone to wait for Rory to come home.

Outside on the street, Lorelai grabbed Jess by the hand. He was startled, and almost pulled away from her until he heard her say, "Jess, she'll be okay, won't she?"

He looked up into those eyes that were so much like Rory's, piercing blue that he found hard to lie to. But they were wiling him to lie, just this once. To tell her that everything was going to be fine. That Rory was going to be fine.

"She'll be okay," Jess said.

She squeezed his hand and let go. Lorelai was embarrassed at how she had behaved in front of him. If Luke had been there, she would most likely be giving a statement to a police officer as Chris and Luke were escorted to jail for disturbing the peace. But Jess had been surprisingly calm and cool. She had not expected that from him.

"Thank you," she said as they walked down the block to where they had left the jeep. (Lorelai prayed that no one had stolen it.)

"For what?" he asked, playing dumb, and for one minute Lorelai marveled at how like Christopher the kid could be. But Jess was different. He had matured, while Christopher seemed to be suffering from a case of arrested development. Jess could be cocky, arrogant, rebellious, dangerous, but he was also smart and sincere. And now Lorelai saw what Luke had always seen: that Jess truly cared about Rory.

"You know what for," she said. "For being here and for driving me to New York, and for just—" She really had not spoken this much to Jess in a long time, maybe even ever. "For helping me."

"You needed to help Rory," he shrugged. "Rory deserves better than this."

"Yeah, she does."

"But I meant what I said back there," Jess told her. "Rory's got to find out for herself the mistakes she's making. And when she does, I have no doubt that she'll find she's strong enough to make things right again."

"You really care about her don't you?" Lorelai asked.

Jess squirmed and zipped his jacket up higher. "She's Rory," he said, as if that explained everything.

Lorelai knew exactly what he meant.

* * *

"I'm home," Rory said as she entered her father's apartment an hour later.

Christopher was sitting on the couch in the living room waiting for her. She dropped her keys off on the coffee table and reached over to give him a kiss on the forehead. "And you'll never guess what?" she teased, clearly pleased with herself. Christopher did not say anything, but Rory did not seem to notice.

"I got a job!" she announced, a huge smile spreading across her face.

For her sake, Chris managed to crack one as well. "That's great, honey," he grinned slightly. "Where?"

"At this really cute coffee shop down the street," she told him sitting down beside him on the couch and reaching for the TV remote. "It's really artsy-fartsy and reminds me of a place where beatniks and starving poets should hang out, lamenting the problems of the world." Rory flipped the television on thinking to herself _Jess would probably love it. And if not, he would love to _mock_ it._

Her father watched her for a few minutes, the words Lorelai had screamed at him rolling around in his head. Lorelai was right; something had to be wrong with Rory because this was not the daughter he boasted of to his colleagues. Rory seemed happy, but even Christopher could tell that it was an icy façade.

"Your mother came by today," he told her. Instantly, Rory's faced changed but she tried to maintain her happy-go-lucky attitude.

"Oh really?" she said. "That's nice. Do you want to watch _Heroes_ or—"

"Why didn't you tell her?" Chris cut her off.

Rory would not look at him. "Is GG staying the night at Sophie's house tonight? Or is it Sophia?"

"Rory, why didn't you tell Lorelai?"

"Dad, I really don't want to talk about it right now." She stood and made her way down the hall to the guest room.

"Rory, I am your father and I demand—" Rory shut the bedroom door behind her, softly but firmly, and Christopher's voice faltered. "—that you answer me," he finished. He leaned his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes, praying that he would do better with GG when she was older.

Rory grabbed her iPod and tried to drown out the thoughts that swirled in her mind. Her stomach was doing somersaults and her heart was racing. She curled up into the fetal position on the bed and tried to sing along with the song, but her mind wandered. She felt horrible

It seemed as if only seconds had passed when Rory opened her eyes. Her room was dark except for the feeble light from the streetlights outside her window. The iPod lay silent and blank beside her, and when Rory sat up she saw on the lit up clock beside her bed that it was eleven at night. Muffled sounds from the television alerted her that Christopher was still awake.

But something had woken Rory, and she was wondering just what it had been when she heard it again:

_Give me something to believe in  
Cause I don't believe in you  
Anymore, Anymore  
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try  
(Yeah)  
So this is goodbye._

It was her cell phone. Her purse was on the floor and she almost fell off the bed as she strained to reach it, just barely grasping the strap with her fingertips when the song ended and Rory realized that she had missed the call. Sitting up in her bed, she dug around in her purse and pulled out the cell. The screen read _Missed Call: Jess Mariano_.

Rory gulped. Did _everyone_ have to yell at her?

_Give me something to believe in  
Cause I don't believe in you…_

The phone rang again, vibrating in her hand. Rory almost dropped it in surprise. _Incoming Call: Jess Mariano_.

… _Anymore, Anymore  
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try…_

Rory knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was going to keep calling until she finally picked up.

… _So this is goodbye._

She didn't want to talk to him. She hated him for calling her.

_Give me something to believe in…_

"Hello?" Rory said, and then cursed herself in her head for sounding too eager.

"Hi Rory," came his gravelly voice. Rory tried to think of something smooth and intimidating to say but all that came out was:

"Hi."

He chuckled, and Rory bristled at the sound. "Hi," he said again.

Rory couldn't think of anything to say, and that made her angrier, but she'd be damned if she let Jess know that.

"How is New York?" he asked in a cautious voice.

"Fine."

"Been to Washington Square Park?"

Rory involuntarily smiled at the old memory that surfaced at his words, when Jess had been the runaway and Rory had ditched school to see him.

"Not yet," she told him, "But don't worry, I will."

"How's the withering stare?" he asked with a smile.

She blushed, and then remembered he couldn't see her. "A bit rusty," Rory admitted, "But give me a few days and I'm sure it will be back to its lethal potency."

He laughed, and Rory felt elated to realize that she had made him laugh.

"April left," Jess said, making conversation. It was easier to talk to Rory on the phone. Face-to-face pulled out too many memories and feelings. Phone calls were safer.

"That's sad," Rory acknowledged. "How's Doula?"

"Crazy, just like her mom," he paused before adding, "And her dad."

They both laughed at that. "But don't worry, I'll straighten her out," Jess told her.

Rory laid back down and listened as Jess told her about the latest book he was reading. They talked for almost 2 hours, and Jess didn't tell her how he had been in her father's apartment that afternoon.

He was having too much fun to risk a yelling match.


	19. Jaded

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gilmore Girls. I do own this fic.

**Kudos **to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Larue

**Note: **Language.

* * *

**Chapter 19—Jaded**

_Something's different between / You and me / And I'm not sure if it's / Good or bad / And all I know is that / From what I've seen / Maybe it's I who has changed / The feelings I'd had rearranged…As I'm growing older / It's almost faded / Passions jaded…By my heart_

Rory was walking home from her first day of work when she saw Logan Huntzberger strolling down the crowded sidewalk, jabbering away on his cell phone.

"Shit," Rory hissed. What was he doing here? She tried to duck behind a newsstand but she wasn't quick enough. Logan's face registered surprise as he recognized her. He held up a finger as if to say _Gimme a minute_, and finished his conversation with whatever rich and powerful businessman he happened to be speaking to. Snapping his cell shut, he hurried over to her with his arms open in welcome.

"Rory!" He said with a smile. "This is unexpected."

Logan pulled her into an awkward hug; awkward because Rory remained as stiff as she could possibly be.

"Logan, um, hi," she stammered out. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" he asked. "Shouldn't you be up in Boston writing the next Pulitzer Prize winner?"

Rory gave a nervous laugh. "Um, yeah, about that. I'm taking some time off."

"Time off?" he asked. "What do you mean? Vacation?"

"No, more like a hiatus," she clarified.

"Wait a minute, Ace," Logan said in a dangerous voice. "This isn't like that time you dropped out of Yale, is it?"

"Yes and no," she blushed. "I was fired."

"Fired?" Logan asked. "Why?"

"Not important."

"Um, yeah Ace, it is." Logan stared at her, trying to find the Rory he remembered in those blue eyes. She refused to look at him. She was guarded and skittish, like an abused dog.

"What's wrong, Rory?" he asked in a soft voice. Rory felt her heart slow and her breathing deepen. No, no, no, he was not going to force her to open up. First Jess, now Logan. Was Dean going to pop up next?

"Logan, please," she begged. "Let's just go our separate ways. You've got your life and I've got mine. Do you really need to get involved? Again?"

"Rory, come on," he said with a sigh. "Look, I know we didn't part well last time, but that wasn't my fault. I tried calling you, and you would never answer your goddamn cell phone." His voice was getting dangerously high, and all of the pent-up anger that had been itching away under his skin was erupting. "You never returned my messages. _YOU_ shut _ME_ out. And now, you're all pissed like I just used you as a fucking booty-call. You can't do that to me, Rory Gilmore!"

People were beginning to stare, especially after hearing the words "booty-call." Rory blushed bright red and whispered, "Logan, please, not here. Not now."

But he wasn't listening to her. "And what do you mean you were fired?" he continued to shout. "And 'hiatus?' What the hell is that supposed to mean? This _is _like last time, isn't it? What, did some pathetic loser tell you weren't good enough? You can't listen to them, Ace. You have to rise above it, above _them_!"

"LOGAN, WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP?" Rory screeched.

Now, everyone on the street was looking, but Rory didn't care. Logan had a look of pure shock. He couldn't remember Rory ever saying "fuck" before in his life, and as he looked at her now, bright red from embarrassment and anger, he saw her with new eyes and wondered at what had happened since that last time to change her into such a bitter person.

Rory swallowed and tried to calm herself down. Logan visibly moved away from her, as if he were worried that she was going to attack him. She couldn't blame him. She was like a wild animal cornered. She would have been scared of her, too.

"Logan, I'm sorry," Rory said in a much quieter voice. "I just can't deal with you right now."

"_Deal_ with me?" he repeated. "Rory—"

She looked at him then. Really looked at him. Her eyes were so full of pain and despair that he felt himself shivering.

Rory wanted to tell him, right then and there. Just spill the beans to someone, and if anyone deserved to know it was Logan Huntzberger. But to tell him would mean admitting it to herself. To admit that she had failed, and not just as a journalist.

_It was after her third time vomiting in the bathroom stall that the thought first entered her mind. Maybe she didn't have the flue. Maybe this was something else. Lane, Sookie—this had happened to them, too, right? This is what happened when you were—_

_Oh, God. _

_She flushed the toilet and exited the stall. Thankfully, the restroom was empty. She cupped her hands under the faucet so that she could drink something and get the horrible taste of gastric juices out of her mouth. She had to steady herself with the counter as the realization that she might be pregnant began to take a hold of her. _

_  
But how? She and Logan had been careful, hadn't they? She couldn't really remember the particulars. Just that he had convinced her to hang out with the old crowd again—which meant Colin and Finn and whatever blondes they happened to be screwing at the time. Rory didn't bother learning their names. She had had a couple of drinks, and then she had woken up in Logan's bed of all places. _

_But Logan was always prepared. He was _Logan_, after all. The ultimate playboy. When was he ever without a stash of condoms on his person?_

_She couldn't allow herself to think this way. She had the flu, or food poisoning. She'd go home, get some rest, drink some Sprite, and life would be fine. She wasn't pregnant. There was no way. _

_Her lies didn't work. With each passing second Rory was convinced that she was carrying Logan's spawn. _

_She convinced Bob to let her go home, that she was real sick and could be contagious, and they didn't want the whole Boston Globe staff to come down with the flu, did they? She made a quick stop at the drugstore and bought 12 different types of pregnancy tests, just to make extra sure, and then rushed home and proceeded to drink 3 bottles of Sprite so that she would be able to pee on every single one. _

_It was unanimous. Lorelai Leigh Gilmore was about to become a mother._

He was waiting for an explanation, and she knew she should tell him. What would he say if he knew? Rory tried to make herself say it. She tried to will herself to scream out "You got me pregnant!" but the words wouldn't form on her tongue.

Logan waited. Rory shook her head and simply whispered, "Just leave it alone, Logan."

"But why?"

"Just do it." And with that, Rory left. She was beginning to perfect the art of a dramatic exit. Jess would be proud. This was a great way to start her life in New York.

Logan watched her leave and wondered what the hell had happened to her.


End file.
